Sleep Deprivation or Crazy?

Over the weekend I had a friend that I had helped with sleep introduce me to her friend and said that we needed to talk. Lol. They had been talking about sleep at their mom's group outings (of course) and it came out that this mom's 2.5 year old was still not sleeping through the night and both mom and toddler were very sleep deprived. As a sleep deprived mom, you want to be sure you are getting at least 5.5 hours of total sleep in a 24 hour period. Otherwise you start showing signs of crazy... like backing out of the garage without opening the garage door...your perceptions are skewed and it's dangerous. I was able to give her some quick tips and major schedule adjustments to try and I gave her some options to go forward with making changes on her own or if she wanted to take advantage of my services. It's so great when mom's can offer advice and support to each other. The best kind of advice is non-judgmental and telling about your own experiences and what you did without expecting it to be the same for everyone. Every child is different. One friend in the group did graduated extinction and it worked fast for her. That doesn't work for everyone. There are a lot of factors that go into improving sleep and it's not just about the method. One of my favorite parts about these casual sleep conversations is that I get to hold someone's baby!

Positive Attention and Valentine's Day Breakfast

Personal attention is so important. All children need positive attention.  They need this attention not just when they are being good.  Not just when they are being bad.  How about when they are just being themselves, not good or bad.

Positive Parenting Solutions calls it Mind, Body & Soul time. Another expert calls it The Attachment Diet. Attachment Theory says that if you are there for your child, responding to their needs constantly and attentively, they will be more independent as they grow and are ready to go off and explore as they are coming from a secure base. You will notice that as they are learning independence, they often come back at the beginning to check that you are still there watching out for them and then they go off again to explore. This regular coming back to check your permanence is normal and healthy.  You are their secure base.

20 minutes a day either all at once or broken up of individualized attention makes a world of difference. This is hard when you have many children, like I do. This is hard when you are off at work most of the day. Do what you can as it will make a big difference. 

The nursing time can be this time. The bottle feeding time can be this time. Make eye contact, make it a bonding time. 

The toddler bed time can be this time. Take her to bed instead of sending her to bed. The talk about the day time, the story, the choosing pj's together, it's precious time. 

The homework time can be this time. Stay with him while he writes out his spelling words. Talk about the things he's learning. Sit shoulder to shoulder, rest your hand on his back.

Another idea is to Make breakfast together after a good night's sleep. This could be your time. With 5 kids, this has been something I have to make a conscious effort with because the day flies by. This morning, for us, it was breakfast time. Usually it's a combo of things to get everyone's attention time in.  Heart shaped eggs in toast was a hit for valentines day. They felt loved.  It's often a "help yourself" breakfast for my older children.

Here's how you make it. 

Use a large cookie cutter to cut the heart shape out of the bread. Melt butter in your frying pan. Add the 2 pieces of bread. (Heart and outline of heart.) Break an egg into the heart hole. After a minute of browning, flip it over. The heart cut out will probably cook a little faster. One side will be prettier than the other side and my kids like it better if I break the yolk. Add salt and pepper if you like. My mom served it with syrup but it's great plain too.

Tracy Spackman is the mother of 5 and a Trained and Certified Sleep Coach. Find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Check out her Website at http://getquietnights.com/

Call her for a free 15 min evaluation to see if sleep coaching is for you.

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

Power Struggles & Bedtime Curtain Calls

I often feel like I'm doing "Creative Parenting". I have 5 children and I found that I need to frequently mix up my method to keep it working when it comes to getting the kids to do what I want them to do.

My 9 year old was taking hours to get 20 minutes of dishes done and this happens a lot. On this particular day she had a friend over and the dishes were not happening. She would dance, laugh, sing, perform, touch a dish but not actually do anything about them while staying in the kitchen "doing the dishes". So my latest big idea was this..."Fine, Chloe I will do the dishes and you can sit on this hard wooden stool and watch. Your friend can sit over there. No talking." Then I started to wash the dishes as slowly as a turtle. After about 10 minutes (I washed the worst dishes first so not many got done, but... the ones I cared about the most did...) and she finally says..."Stop! I will wash the dishes!" It was torture to her to not be able to play with her friend until they were done and I was doing them soooo slowly. She did them super-fast and went to play. Mission accomplished. Now when I ask her if she wants to watch me do her job she says "No Way".  I didn't find that method in a book.  I had to get creative.

For bedtime curtain calls, try this. Make a check list of all the things they ask for after you have put them to bed. Ask them to contribute and make suggestions. (Back pack ready for school, Teeth, PJ’s, Hug from Dad, Drink of water, story, lullaby, kisses, tuck them in, etc) Then go through the list during your wind down evening routine. If they ask for anything else after you have put them to bed, tell them you will add it to the list for tomorrow but now it is bedtime. You are addressing their needs and giving positive attention at the appropriate times but bedtime is bedtime.  The first time I suggested this method to a mom I was helping with her sleep coaching, she told me it worked like a charm.  Her daughter thought it was fun to make the list and went to bed happily.  Previously, they were having 2 hour bedtime battles.

Bedtime battles - Each extra bedtime request can be evaluated. Is this a call for attention or is there a real need? Sometimes a real need can turn into a call for attention. For example: 

"Come fix my blankets!" Your 2 year old pulls off the blanket to get you to come fix it. Maybe you watched her pull it off and stand up in your video monitor. It looks like a call for attention but ensure the blanket is the right size, maybe the baby blanket easily comes off her feet and she is a bit big for it. She may be frustrated and likes the extra attention she gets when mom comes to fix it. Solution-Use a throw size blanket, it's bigger than a baby blanket but smaller than a twin blanket. This can work well in a crib for a 2 year old. Now you can remind her she can fix it herself instead of fixing it for her. Help her to help herself but don’t rescue her.  She won’t get the amount of attention she expected but learns to be more independent.

"Change my diaper!" If you don't feel like the diaper needs to be changed minutes after putting her to bed, designate some ‘Bedtime’ diapers. Put a bunch of diapers in a separate container and call them bedtime diapers. Draw a star or moon on them. Put a sign on the container with a star or moon to match. Tell the child that these are special diapers for bedtime and they don't come off until the morning. Then stick to it. Be sure to be using the appropriate size and absorbency to hold up to the whole night. Use good judgment to make exceptions. Poopy diapers usually need an exception.

“Fix My Ribbon!”  I hadn't heard that one before but a mom I’m working with told me about that one.  She puts a ribbon in her hair to keep it out of her face. So we taught her how to put on a soft headband all by herself. So she is encouraged to fix it herself when she asks for help but she and mom practiced during the day.

“I need a drink!”  Leave your child with a Sippy cup or sport top water bottle to self-serve a drink.  Only leave enough for a small drink, not a full bottle.

“I lost my soother!” Leave a small container of soothers in the corner of her crib or bed as backups.  If she throws them, don’t retrieve them.  She knows cause and effect by now.  Have you taught her that when she throws it, you get it?  Tell her you don’t want to play that game anymore and then don’t.

“One more story!”  Choose a short story that is your signal story indicating that it’s the last one.  Never read another story after that one and always read it last. 

After an appropriate wind down period, I like the Bedtime Routine of Story, Song, Kiss, Bed, Lights out, good night. No curtain calls afterwards. Stick to it long enough and the curtain call requests stop and the Bedtime Battles become a thing of the past.  Perspective and Consistency are key to bedtime battle success.

Tracy Spackman is the mother of 5 children  and is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach.  You can find her on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights and her website www.GetQuietNights.com

What I wish they had told me…

What I wish they had told me…Or at least I wish that I had been willing to Listen.

I have 5 children and I am a sleep coach. People always ask me if I used my methods on my own children and I laugh and say “no”.  I didn't know any better than the mom’s I talk to now.  I wish I had a sleep coach when my children were babies and I did so many things “wrong” but they still turned out pretty great.  It could have been so much easier but without that experience, I certainly wouldn't have the the helpful insight I have when talking to sleep deprived moms.  

The things I wished I had known most were mostly what was realistic.  

• Babies can sleep longer stretches at night usually after 6 months. 
• Night nursing’s are the first (not the last) ones you start to wean.  Not necessarily all of the night feedings but some of them.  I didn't know that.  My doctor had said that at 3 months, my baby should be able to go all night but that didn't sit right with me.  It still wouldn't.  But I took it too far by not night weaning any until 12 months. 

But you know, I handled it OK (other than some depression from lack of sleep)  I think that anything you really don’t have a problem with is not a problem.  In hindsight I wish I had done it differently but c’est la vie.  So here I’m telling you.  

• When your waking child seems to be waking too much, look at the longest they have ever gone and start there. 
• Starting some gentle and responsive sleep coaching after 6 months is ideal but you can wait until you are both ready, whenever that is. 
• Try to get the best naps you can, anyway you can while you work on night skills.  Day sleep is the building block of night sleep skills.  Night sleep skills is the building block of Day sleep skills.  So nights first and then naps or do both together.  
• Every child is different so don’t compare your child to others. Your child is wonderful and unique and I’ll bet you are doing a great job!  

A bit about Tracy.

Tracy Spackman is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach.  She is the mother of 5 school aged children.   She is passionate about all things family related.   Tracy is trained and certified by Kim West in Gentle Sleep Coaching with 200+ hours of sleep education. She believes in offering educated choices to parents how to teach their children in gentle ways to put themselves to sleep.  Tracy speaks to mom’s groups, hospital lactation support groups and community groups.  She gives workshops, and personal consultations locally and over the phone.  She helps children 4 months to 8 years old.   Tracy lives in Phoenix, Arizona and has been helping families all over North America and beyond.

Tracy is personable and easy to talk to.  She makes herself available to work around your schedule no matter your time zone.  She’d love to be your sleep coach.

“I have been there and remember the frustration and chaos that comes from a lack of sleep.  I wish I had found a sleep coach 15 years ago and knew what I know now.  The field of sleep science has come a long way in the last 10 years. A good sleep makes a world of difference. ”

Contact Tracy Spackman

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

www.GetQuietNights.com

http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

https://twitter.com/@GetQuietNights