I
often feel like I'm doing "Creative Parenting". I have 5 children and
I found that I need to frequently mix up my method to keep it working when it
comes to getting the kids to do what I want them to do.
My 9 year old was
taking hours to get 20 minutes of dishes done and this happens a lot. On this
particular day she had a friend over and the dishes were not happening. She
would dance, laugh, sing, perform, touch a dish but not actually do anything
about them while staying in the kitchen "doing the dishes". So my
latest big idea was this..."Fine, Chloe I will do the dishes and you can
sit on this hard wooden stool and watch. Your friend can sit over there. No
talking." Then I started to wash the dishes as slowly as a turtle. After
about 10 minutes (I washed the worst dishes first so not many got done, but...
the ones I cared about the most did...) and she finally says..."Stop! I
will wash the dishes!" It was torture to her to not be able to play with
her friend until they were done and I was doing them soooo slowly. She did them
super-fast and went to play. Mission accomplished. Now when I ask her if she
wants to watch me do her job she says "No Way". I didn't
find that method in a book. I had to get creative.
For
bedtime curtain calls, try this. Make a check list of all the things they ask
for after you have put them to bed. Ask them to contribute and make
suggestions. (Back pack ready for school, Teeth, PJ’s, Hug from Dad, Drink of
water, story, lullaby, kisses, tuck them in, etc) Then go through the list
during your wind down evening routine. If they ask for anything else after you
have put them to bed, tell them you will add it to the list for tomorrow but
now it is bedtime. You are addressing their needs and giving positive attention
at the appropriate times but bedtime is bedtime. The first time I
suggested this method to a mom I was helping with her sleep coaching, she told
me it worked like a charm. Her daughter thought it was fun to make
the list and went to bed happily. Previously, they were having 2
hour bedtime battles.
Bedtime
battles - Each extra bedtime request can be evaluated. Is this a call for
attention or is there a real need? Sometimes a real need can turn into a call
for attention. For example:
"Come
fix my blankets!" Your 2 year old pulls off the blanket to get you to
come fix it. Maybe you watched her pull it off and stand up in your video
monitor. It looks like a call for attention but ensure the blanket is the right
size, maybe the baby blanket easily comes off her feet and she is a bit big for
it. She
may be frustrated and likes the extra attention she gets when mom comes to fix
it. Solution-Use a throw size blanket, it's bigger than a baby blanket but
smaller than a twin blanket. This can work well in a crib for a 2 year old. Now
you can remind her she can fix it herself instead of fixing it for her. Help
her to help herself but don’t rescue her. She won’t get the amount
of attention she expected but learns to be more independent.
"Change
my diaper!" If
you don't feel like the diaper needs to be changed minutes after putting her to
bed, designate some ‘Bedtime’ diapers. Put a bunch of diapers in a separate
container and call them bedtime diapers. Draw a star or moon on them. Put a
sign on the container with a star or moon to match. Tell the child that these
are special diapers for bedtime and they don't come off until the morning. Then
stick to it. Be sure to be using the appropriate size and absorbency to hold up
to the whole night. Use good judgment to make exceptions. Poopy diapers usually
need an exception.
“Fix
My Ribbon!” I hadn't heard that one before but a mom I’m working with told me about that
one. She puts a ribbon in her hair to keep it out of her face. So we
taught her how to put on a soft headband all by herself. So she is encouraged
to fix it herself when she asks for help but she and mom practiced during the
day.
“I
need a drink!” Leave
your child with a Sippy cup or sport top water bottle to self-serve a
drink. Only leave enough for a small drink, not a full bottle.
“I
lost my soother!” Leave
a small container of soothers in the corner of her crib or bed as
backups. If she throws them, don’t retrieve them. She
knows cause and effect by now. Have you taught her that when she
throws it, you get it? Tell her you don’t want to play that game
anymore and then don’t.
“One
more story!” Choose
a short story that is your signal story indicating that it’s the last
one. Never read another story after that one and always read it
last.
After
an appropriate wind down period, I like the Bedtime Routine of Story, Song,
Kiss, Bed, Lights out, good night. No curtain calls afterwards. Stick to it long
enough and the curtain call requests stop and the Bedtime Battles become a
thing of the past. Perspective and Consistency are key to bedtime
battle success.
Tracy
Spackman is the mother of 5 children and is a Certified Gentle
Sleep Coach. You can find her on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights and her website www.GetQuietNights.com
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