Monday, May 26, 2014

What is a sleep coach?

A sleep coach is a parenting counselor who specializes in sleep.  Like Kim West. I trained with Kim West. Or rather, I am trained by Kim West. Now, I teach parents gentle methods to help with their baby sleep goals. It's different than a sleep trainer who goes into homes and does cry it out  to try to get a baby sleeping 12 hours by 12 weeks. I don't do that. I show parents gentle, kinder options to work on sleep skills who don't want to do CIO.  And I work with families with babies over 4 months old. I really love it. I feel needed. And I'm good at it.  I have 5 kids myself and can relate to a lot. LoL. I teach the parents and then the parents help the child. I can work with the family as they are working through their plan to ensure success. I have a 97% success rate. 

My husband has cronic insomnia and I don't want anyone else to end up like that.  Teaching children sleep skills can make a huge difference when they grow up.  Self soothing is a learned skill.  My husband never got this skill as a child and that issue has been far reaching.  He's one of the reasons I do sleep coaching and I give out free advice all the time. It's a little late for my husband. But it's not too late for your child. 

Call me for a free 15 minute sleep assessment. 
Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610
Check out my website www.GetQuietNights.com


What's with the 4 month sleep disaster?

Sleep Question:  Tracy Spackman, my DD was a decent sleeper up until about the 4 ish month stage. Now at 5 months, she has a harder time falling asleep now, and only naps for very short periods during the day, why?

Yes, around the 4 the month, there is tons of brain development. Like the vision changes.  It's actually very exciting for her. Your baby can now see farther away and with all the added detail to her world,  she is more perceptive and therefore more distractable. Think of it as a sleep progression rather than a sleep regression. (Just semantics) Sleep falls apart and wake ups may happen every 1-3 hours, and naps may be hard to get and often feeding is harder as she is more easily distracted.  This is when the baby's sleep is becoming a little more like adult sleep and may be ready or getting close to being ready to lean sleep skills. A little tip to help with the distracted eating is to nurse (or feed in your arms) making eye contact and facing a blank wall away from other distractions.  Put a light blanket over the two of you like a tent if necessary to block stimulation.

That doesn't mean you need to do sleep training now. But some gentle sleep coaching or sleep shaping can help.  Previous to this, sleep is innate. Either she can do it or she can't. Sleep self soothing is a learned skill. This skill enables her to relax and organize  her body to sleep when she is tired and it also helps her to better manage her emotions when in stressful situations. After sleep coaching older children, many parents tell me their child's temper tantrums stop and their child is more even tempered once they are able to sleep without a sleep crutch. So, your child is reaching this time. It's very exciting and frustrating at the same time. If you want to do sleep coaching, it's still a good idea to wait until 6 months if you are going to follow a book.

If you need better sleep NOW, that's where I can help. To do something gentle like I do, your baby still needs to be at least 18 weeks old and at least 2 weeks into the more distracted phase of the 4 month sleep regression and you would want to have appropriate night feedings as part of your plan. Until you have a plan in place that you feel confident in and can be consistent about, keep doing what ever crutch gets you both as much sleep as possible. Swings, nursing, co-sleeping, rocking etc. these are blessings until you are ready for change.  Cry It Out isn't the only option.

Other things you can do right now are:
1.  Catch the sleep window.
2.  Try gentle white noise or rain or fan sounds.
3.  Reduce the stimuli in bed like mobiles and light.
4. Try putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake but this doesn't work for everyone.

You may want to check out my website www.GetQuietNights.com and read the success stories of parents going through what you are going through.  I have recommended books and a blog on there too. And if you are going crazy, call me for a gentle sleep consultation.  I wish someone had explained it to me when my babies were that age.

For sleep consultations, visit www.GetQuietNights.com
Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. That means she will teach you how to help your child sleep through the night without doing Cry It Out. You have gentle options.
Free 15 min sleep assessments. Call 602-524-7610
Invite your friends to Join my Facebook group "Sleep Sisters"

Does teaching babies to sleep in the dark spoil their chances of being able to fall/stay asleep in dim or lit environments later in life?


No. That is a common misconception.

If your baby is able to sleep in loud, bright places- fantastic, you have an easier baby than some others. It's fine. If you struggle to get your baby to sleep, that is a different story. A baby sleeps easier in a completely dark room. Just like adults. Especially after the vision changes and they can see farther across the room. The lights from a night light, window, baby monitor are all distracting and stimulating..."What's that bright thing?" Moms who notice the baby is staring at them through the monitor, that baby is captivated by the little light on the camera. Once your baby is a good sleeper, then you can introduce more challenging sleep situations. They are likely going to be much more flexible. Nights and Naps are different and one can never get it as dark for a nap as you can for the night but any darker that you can get it, is likely going to help. Your body has a circadian rhythm, (a clock) which drives the need for sleep.  It is reset each day by light exposure starting around 4 months old. It's essential that we experience a regular light dark cycle in order to maintain appropriate sleep at night.  That's not saying we need to nap in the light.  During daytime waking hours, be in the light starting with light exposure first thing.  During naps and night time, stay in the dark. This means that if your baby wakes up at night, try to keep him in the dark or very low light.

Erin Flynn-Evans (PhD in sleep and circadian physiology) says "the bright daytime sun is quite able to invade a napping child’s room during the day. There isn’t a circadian need to have a dark room during the day, however, in order to avoid an inappropriately short nap it is absolutely key that a napping child’s room is cool, dark and quiet. A dark room can mean the difference between a 30 minute nap and a two hour nap. If your child only gets a 30 minute nap, but really needs a two hour nap, everyone will pay the price. An unrested child will have more difficulty going to sleep at night, will wake up more frequently during the night, and will exhibit negative behaviors such as crankiness and inappropriate reactions to situations while awake."

A dark room helps your baby sleep longer.  Once your baby has good sleep skills, they are likely going to be more flexible to unusual situations like hotel rooms, air planes, and restaurants.  I have seen this happen over and over again.  A mom tells me her child won't sleep longer than 30 minutes.  The first thing I want to know is where the baby is napping?  Often the answer is in a playpen or a swing in the living room.  TV on, toddler playing nearby.  I suggest she try putting the play pen or the swing in the baby's room where it is dark and quiet and see if that helps.  It usually does.  That may not be all she needs to do but it's a good start.  

You nap and sleep better in a dark, quiet room.  It's the same for your baby.

I believe in using evidenced based methods that are gentle and backed by science.  If you need sleep help, sleep consultations offered in person and over the phone.  Contact me for a free 15 min sleep assessment.  I work with families with babies over 4 months old.


Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Tenacious, spirited, alert babies grow up to be smart, driven, go-getters.

Tenacious, spirited, alert babies grow up to be smart, driven, go-getters. 

Meet my son Christian. Frequent night waking until sleep trained around 13 months old. (I waited so long and was at the end of my rope). I wish I had known then what I know now as a gentle sleep coach. I needed a sleep coach. Someone to tell me how to help him sleep.

Now that he's 13 years old he is still very spirited and needs an outlet for all his energy. (Football and other sports help a lot). He taught himself to play the guitar while taking piano lessons and doing band at school. His tenaciousness proved to be a good thing as he was determined to find his lost capo (a guitar tool) so he could help me with a song parody I'm making up about whining bedtime toddlers based on the song 'Last Friday Night' by Katy Perry- or rather it's a parody of the mine craft version 'Don't Mine at night'. My song is called 'Don't Whine at Night'. Well Christian couldn't play it without his capo and just wouldn't give up looking for it. Today was day 4 of his search for it. Today he was looking behind furniture, on tops of book shelves, in pick up baskets and all the weird places. He finally found it. Now we can work on my parody. I can make up songs but I don't play any instruments. 

My spirited, energetic children are true blessings. It's just hard to get past the sleep challenges they have as babies and children. Now I can help you with that and I can relate to all that you are going through. I've been there. 

www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights
Tracy Spackman
602-524-7610
Free 15 minute sleep assessment for sleep deprived parents of sleep deprived babies and children. 
Text me, call me, contact me through my website. www.GetQuietNights.com

Monday, May 19, 2014

It's ok to ask for help, Even I need help from my Athletic son with exercise...

I'm the first to admit that it's "OK" to ask for help.  With sleep training, potty training, even personal training.

This week I asked my 13 year old son to be my personal trainer. (I need some serious help) I told him I would give him $10 if he could get me to work out 15 min a day 5 days each week. Each consecutive week,  I would increase it by $1.  It was hard for me to ask him for help but he really knows his stuff.   He's almost 14 and starting high school freshman football. The Cross Country Running Coach was disappointed he wasn't doing High School Running.  All my boys are Athletic.

My Son woke me up at 5:45am and told me I had to be outside by 6. He only had until 6:30 to get out the door to go to his own work out club. He had already been up and was ready for school.  I got a "Dramatic Wake Up".  He slammed the mattress by my head with his fist.  It's a good thing I was already rousing or it would have made me fall out of bed.  I had to laugh at myself all through the work out as he told me to jog around the lawn 3 times to warm up (it was already 78 degress outside) and do side sit ups etc.  I had previously had him research how to use the TRX (Tension Resistance eXercise) thing I had and we have a bunch of free weights, skipping rope, yoga mats etc.  He had 7-10 exercises for me to do switching me between types of exercises that he encouraged me through (through my laughing) and I may be a little sore tomorrow.  I may get a flatter tummy yet.  Today was day 1.

Yesterday I asked my 15 year old daughter if she would work out with me.  She agreed right away but then I told her who my personal trainer was...her little brother (who has been beating her at almost everything lately-piano playing, sports, marks, but not singing--She rocks the vocal talent)  She still agreed to work out with us.  It'll be good for both of us and I love we are doing it together.  She's not laughing and wants me to take it more seriously. She'll be good for me, too.


What do you need  help with.  Go ahead and ask.  I can't believe it took me this long to ask for help.  I have been trying to fix my tummy on my own for years.  (5 kids is a lot of tummy troubles to overcome)
I hope you don't wait as long as I did to get a knowledgeable person to walk and encourage you through the information and to get  a plan in place to fix what is bothering you.  Sleep.  Weight.  Potty Training.  Cooking.  Nutrition.  Sometimes a YouTube video just isn't enough.

If you need sleep help, call me.  Free 15 minute initial sleep assessment with me.
I am a trained and certified Gentle Sleep Coach and I won't tell you to Cry It Out. I want to help you get your child sleeping through the night.
Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Monday, May 12, 2014

Do you have feelings of guilt that increase on Mother's Day?

Do you have feelings of guilt that increase on Mother's Day?

It has been observed that women look at other women and take all the strengths and skills and good habits of the amazing women around them and group all those great qualities into one super women and then compare their own biggest weaknesses or differences to that super women ideal. Then comes the mother guilt.  "I'm not good enough, I'm not doing enough."  Do you do that?  I do.  I have even heard the amazing women I admire say that they do, too.  We are not being fair to ourselves or even remotely realistic. 

In openly talking about this topic on Mother's day in my Relief Society Women's group, it was amazing to hear the comparison's guilt.  One women talked about staying up late with her children.  Playing games at 1 am with her teenagers.  Always being available for late night phone calls with her college aged children.  Then comparing herself negatively with her friend who gets up super early with her children to do scripture reading, big breakfasts, early morning personal talks. And the early rising mother admitted to feeling like she was lacking because she was too tired at night to do bedtime personal talks and back rubs like her late night friend.  These 2 women are both amazing and totally different.  What is unrealistic is thinking you can be the late night mom AND the early morning mom.  So if you are doing this to yourself, comparing your weaknesses or alternate parenting style with someone else's strength or opposite parenting style, try to stop.

Our children are born with temperaments and personality's.  The range of those personality's are very broad and are un-comparable.  Do you have alert, temperamental, spirited children?  Are they a handful and sleep is a challenge?  Guess what?!  Those children can and most likely will grow up to be totally amazing, productive adults.  The real "go-getters" of the world.  One women was talking about her child as a spirited, smart, handful who hated class and just couldn't sit still and was always getting in trouble.  She knew everyone dreaded being his teacher.  The best thing one teacher did for them was to figure out that this boy needed to have his mind engaged in order to sit still and took the time to teach him in such a way that he thrived.  She also told his mom how much she loved having him in her class.  She said this in front of this boy several times.  What a difference this teacher made for the mom and the child.  It was life changing.  The little boy figured out that if he listened, he could answer all the questions in class and he knew all the answers.  He was super smart. He felt appreciated and loved by the teacher.   The mom finally had a teacher for him that cared enough to appreciate his strengths. It was such a relief. This spirited  little boy grew up to be an amazing man.  I hear this type of story all the time-great men came from spirited little boys.  A spirited child is not a bad thing.

There are many ways to mother a child and many opportunities to mother more than just your own children. Piano teachers, tutors, baby sitters, day care workers, doctors, neighbors, friends, teachers, etc can all be a mothering influence in our children's lives.  A women I admire, Sheri Dew, said "Are we not all Mothers?" As adults, we are still being mothered.  By our mothers, our grandmothers, our friends, our neighbors, our teachers and more.  The support group of women to women can be powerful.  I love to mother and be mothered.  I get the chance to mother other mother's as I teach them sleep coaching skills and I'm not even old enough to be their mother, not yet.  My children's piano teacher, their school and Sunday school teachers, the women my teenager's babysit for and more are helping to mother my children.  I'm so grateful to all the wonderful mothers out there and I hope you can see all your own strengths.  You are already amazing and are just going to keep getting better and better.

If you are too sleep deprived to even think about this, I can help.  Sleeping through the night is not an impossible feat.  Let me mother you and help you with this challenge. Call me for a free 15 chat about how you need some mothering.  Here is a link to watch a video about me talking about sleep coaching.

Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610

Friday, May 9, 2014

Homemade, Fast and Better Oatmeal for breakfast even an 8-year-old can make

You often hear a good breakfast starts your day off right.  With all of the things that seem to cause tummy troubles (dairy, eggs, sugary cereals etc) I was looking for a low cost, totally homemade, healthy easy alternative to the oatmeal packets that you cook in the microwave.  I had been trying different combinations of super grains added to my oatmeal concoctions like millet (very yummy but takes longer to cook), buckwheat, quinoa, flax seed etc.  I found a combo I love and the kids all love it and it's still fast!  It takes about 7 minutes on the stove top or easily done in the rice cooker in about 25 minutes (put it in, turn it on, shower to get ready, eat breakfast).  My rice cooker has a delay timer so I can put it in the night before and wake up and it's ready.
I taught my 8-year-old how to make it since he is always the first one up in the morning. Let me know what you think.  

I would have posted a picture of the finished product but the kids ate it too fast. It looks like oatmeal.




4 cups of quick oats (or regular rolled oats)
8 cups of boiling water 
1/4 teaspoon of Sweetspice or cinnamon & nutmeg mixture 
1/4 cup of hemp hearts 
1/4 cup of cashew meal (it's just ground up raw cashews)
2 TBS of sugar or sugar alternative (I like Xylitol or coconut sugar)
1 tsp of salt
Add boiling water to all the ingredients or add cold water to all the ingredients and bring to boil, once it's boiling turn it off and let it sit for five minutes covered.
If you use regular oats instead of quick oats let it cook on low for five minutes instead of sitting off for five minutes. The hemp hearts add an extra bit of healthiness and the cashew meal makes it really creamy. We serve it with milk or milk alternative and sometimes we add a little bit extra brown sugar. They always eat it all. Since even my 8-year-old son can make it, my 10 year old daughter will soon be making it (not one to be outdone by her younger brother.)


If breakfast is the last thing on your mind when you wake up in the morning because all you want to do is go back to bed because sleep is the last thing happening at your house, give me a call to help you with a sleep plan.  Then, once you and your child are sleeping through the night, we can talk about what's for breakfast.

Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights