Is Cry It Out the only option? NO!

There seems to be a lot of pressure on moms to have a quiet, sleeping through the night baby at a very young age. But in fact this is just not normal. It's not about weight, or even weeks, it's about developmental readiness and temperament.

In and around the 4th month of age there is a lot of cognitive development. Some babies may be ready as early as 18 weeks and others need more time to grow and bond. Follow your heart and do what you feel is best for your baby. Bond, nurse, co-sleep, wear, whatever feels safe and right. It doesn't matter what culture, neighbors, sisters or mothers in law say about it.

The range of what a baby can do it very broad. Some babies are naturally good sleepers. Others have a difficult time shutting down their minds to sleep. Talk to your doctor and still listen to your intuition. When he says babies wake a lot at night, he's right. And some babies wake more than others. If you are sleep deprived and going crazy, try motion naps in the stroller, swing or carrier and part of the nights in a swing laid all the way back. Does co-sleeping work for you? Would room sharing help? Be responsive.

Many mom's get repeated advice to just do Cry It Out.  There are many articles and posts about the negative effects of Cry It Out.  If that's just not for you, rest assured,
you have other options.  The No Cry Sleep Solution is a long, slow drawn out, baby step plan that works for many families.  But for some families it's too long.  The Good Night Sleep Tight book by Kim West is great if you have an older baby.  For younger babies, it's too visually stimulating and not responsive enough.  There are methods of camping out where you sleep in your baby's room. Methods of touching and shushing.  Methods of Picking up and putting down.  So many methods.  What is right for you?

I have found that there IS perfect combo of methods that works quickly and easily but definitely takes more effort than Cry It Out.  Where is this book?  It's not written. It's a combo made specifically for you child's temperament and age.  You get that from a gentle sleep coach. That's the advantage of a sleep coach, she will tell you what to do, work with you to find the fastest and most gentle approach, tailored for your child's needs and his parents goals.

 If you are at your wits end and just need a plan, I can help. I may just help you have reasonable expectations or there maybe a few things you can do to help your baby sleep longer stretches until your baby is ready to do more. But if you are fine, keep doing what you are doing. If you don't have a problem with the waking, it's not a problem. I can't believe how fast they grow. Get past the 4 month vision changes and brain development and then see how you are doing. It's so fun when baby can see you from further away. The increased perceptiveness is exciting for your baby and very distracting. So much of the world to see. Get to at least 18 weeks and re-evaluate. If you can hold off until 6 months, even better but I understand if you can't get that far.

If you wonder if you have realistic expectations, I can talk to you about that for free. I speak on that subject regularly at the local moms groups, hospitals and baby stores and on Facebook groups. Let me give you some coping strategies.

Take a few minutes of my time for free. 602-524-7610. Call, text or message me to set up a free 5-15 minute call. I'm here to help. If you know you are ready to make major changes and just want someone to give you step by step instructions that fit with your family goals, book a consultation and we will get you all sleeping in no time.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Post by Quiet Nights Sleep Coaching Services.

Ready to Transition out of the swaddle?

This is a common question:

Hi Tracy, you came and spoke at my breastfeeding support group last week and I had asked a question about when and how to transition from the swaddle. My daughter will be 14 weeks on Wednesday and loves sucking on her hands. I think she finds it soothing. She still has a little of the startle reflex but she is gaining control of her hands more and more every day. I had asked you at the group meeting how to transition out of the swaddle but I forgot what you said -- something about starting with the dominant or less dominant hand out first and for how long? If you could remind me, I would be so thankful!

It's a great question, I'm happy to help.

If you want to take it slow then start with the least dominant hand out first. Do that for up to three days and then take out the dominant arm keeping the body wrapped tightly from the chest down. Do that for about 3 days and then transition to a sleep sack.

 If you want to go faster just go cold turkey and switch to the sleep sack.  You will need to offer lots of extra support over three days while she gets used to it. You will have to do lots of extra pick ups at bedtime and lots of pick ups in the night. Between three and four months is a great time to do it.  She needs to practice controlling her body and develop muscle control in the bed time atmosphere of her crib or wherever you're putting her down to sleep.

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach with GetQuietNights.com .
Call me for a free 15 minute sleep assessment.
602-524-7610

DIY Wake up Lights--Instructions (Because Toddlers don't Tell Time)

A Wake-Up Light is a special light or device to help your child know when it's all right to get out of bed in the morning.

Toddler's don't tell time, but they do understand "lights on" or "lights off." “Lights on” means it’s time to be awake. “Lights off” means it's time to sleep. 

You want a wake-up light that is dark at night, not glowing or otherwise lit. It's better to sleep in the dark if you can. Many wake-up lights you purchase at the store have night lights on them that glow all night long, so I chose to make one myself.

You can make one yourself, too. You probably already have everything you need in your home! Just use any small lamp that you have. A pretty Mayan salt lamp or a cute Disney lamp… or an old ugly, stored-in-the-garage-and-meant-for-the-next-garage-sale lamp. It's fun even to use a small green bulb (found in the outdoor Christmas lights section of your hardware store, or in your storage… in the Christmas lights box) or a chandelier light bulb. If the base of the bulb is too small for your lamp, you can get an adapter piece (also found at the hardware store—most guys already know this) that screws into the lamp and changes the base size. 

Plug the lamp into the wall through an appliance timer (also found in your store of Christmas stuff, or at the hardware store, or in the hardware aisle of the grocery store for around $3). This is like the one you use for your outdoor Christmas lights. Set it to go on at the wake-up time like at 6 a.m. or 7 a.m.

As I said, you probably already have everything you need right there at home. What you don’t have, you can find for quite cheap at your local home hardware store. If you can use a green bulb, you can teach your child that green means go! Talk about the light at bedtime and again in the morning to reinforce what you expect:

"When the light is dark, it's time to sleep. When the light is on, it's time to wake up." The light shouldn't be bright enough to wake her up, but it will be a signal that sends a clear message for when she does wake up. If she wakes before the light comes on, and she can't get back to sleep, stay with her until it comes on to reinforce the meaning of the light. 

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
Helping children sleep better one family at a time.
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com

Is Cold Turkey Night Weaning the best option?

Is your baby waking at night because they are hungry? That's the first question.  The second question is, Does your baby need to eat at night?

If your baby is under 6 months old, the answer is PROBABLY! Like the baby in this picture, he needs to eat at night.

If your baby is under 9 months, you should discuss this with your doctor and  your lactation consultant.  Many babies are ready to go all night without eating by 7 months old but each baby is unique and eating is more important than sleeping.  Many mom's choose to do a night feeding past 12 months.  That is just fine.

If you have determined that your baby does not need to eat at night and he is eating out of habit, and you choose to make a change, then you can take gentle steps to wean your baby from night feeding.  

There are 3 common ways to go about night weaning.  One of them is to go cold turkey and just stop feeding them.  This is not my favorite way but it depends on the age of the baby. When you stop feeding at night cold turkey, your baby will still feel hungry.  And he will need extra attention and support as his body gets used to not getting those calories at that time.

Have you ever gone on a diet or changed your own eating patterns?  Let me tell you my potato chip story:  A few years ago, my husband and I would have all 5 of our children in bed by 7 pm. (Sounds heavenly, right? It is!) We would sit down to watch a show we had recorded on the DVR and relax together.  After the show, we would pull out a bag of potato chips (salt n vinegar is our favorite) and eat the whole bag together while we watched another show. (sometimes it was plain ripple chips with homemade sour cream onion dip.)  Well of course, after a few months of doing this stay home daily mini-date, we started to regret the potato chip fat factor.  So we decided to stop.  We heard somewhere that you shouldn't eat after 8pm or something like that.  We stopped cold turkey.  The craving for the potato chips at 9pm was unreal!!  I wanted to get in the car and drive to the store to get some, I craved them so bad.  Ugh.  It was awful.  Was that my body telling me that I needed potato chips?  Should I be listening to my body cravings?  No.  My body doesn't need potato chips. What was happening to us is called a blood sugar spike.  My body was used to getting those calories at that time regularly.  It takes about 3 days to undo a blood sugar spike like that.  And after 3 days of no potato chips at 9pm, I stopped craving them at 9pm.  I never crave them when I'm shopping in the store so I just stopped buying them unless we are having a party.

So if you go cold turkey in taking milk out of your child's night time responses, it takes about 3 days for their blood sugar spike to smooth out. Please be more responsive and attentive if you choose this method.  They are experiencing real feelings of hunger that are uncomfortable.  I know.  I have been there.  A hug, snuggle, your presence, your attention can help support them through the transition. Come when they call for you.

The other ways to wean night feedings are with dream feeds (my favorite method) or with gradual diluting.  Those are a whole other subject for blog posts or consultations.
Every baby's scenario is different and there are no cookie-cutter solutions.  Age, temperament, past sleep experience and bedtime crutches make a difference.  

As a gentle sleep coach, I look at the situation and create a plan unique to that family. Call me if you need help.  Free 15 min initial evaluation.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com                     Email

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Free Magnet of Sleep Hours Chart- This Week Only!

Free Magnet of Sleep Hours Chart- This Week only! Do you want one? 

Knowing how much sleep in a 24 hour period to expect is a great place to start for sleep.

The mother of 9 week old twins called me asking for sleep advice. (I give parents a free initial 15 min consultation.) Her babies were 5 months once adjusted for the 4 weeks they were born early. I gave her free advice, some coping strategies, realistic expectations, dispelled some myths and offered to send her an hours of sleep expectations magnet. 

Does anyone else want a magnet for their fridge? 
Message me your address and I will mail you one. Tracy@GetQuietNights.com
Limited time offer. Here's a picture. 

After this free offer week, Paypal $2 to TracySpackman@cox.net for one while supplies last.

What's the perfect bedtime?

How do you know when to put your child to bed?

It depends on the age, the nap, and the wake up time and more.  I often speak about the "Anticipated Bedtime" and catching the sleep window.  I could talk your ear off about this topic.

In a nut shell, here is a general guide-line but defiantly not written in stone:

• 4 months-6-7 but may still be unpredictable.  (4th month is crazy)
• 5 months Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 90 minutes after the last nap
• 6 months-Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 2 hrs after the last nap
• 9 months-Around 7pm or 12-13 hrs after wake up and 3-4 hrs after last nap 
• 12 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 18 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 2 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4-5 hrs after nap 
• 2.5-4 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and it's much more unpredictable  of a time frame after the last nap.

Other things to watch for are the child's natural behaviors that let you know they are tired. Yawning and eye rubbing are late sleep cues.  Watching for late sleep cues works more for Easier temperamented children and less for Alert children.  

Other things to watch for are:

Zoning out

Staring off into space

Glassy Eyes

Disinterest

Fist clenching

Eye Squinting

Red tinge to skin around eye brows and eyes

Slowing down

Clumsy

Clingy

Lay on the floor for a moment

When picked up they-head on your shoulder

There may be other unique cues that you will notice before the Yawning and Eye Rubbing 

If you see a burst of energy after Yawning and Eye rubbing, you just missed the sleep window. So keep one eye on your baby and one eye on the clock.

Here is my simple idea.  Set the alarm or timer on your smart phone for 2-3.5 hours when he wakes up. (Depending on the age)  Don't worry about catching the sleep window until the timer buzzes in your pocket.  Then keep snoozing the timer until you see his sleep cues.  Once you see his sleep cues, put him to bed.  So instead of watching all the time for the sleep cues, just do it for the 10-20 minutes around the end of the expected wakefulness.  Notice how cute he is instead  of going crazy watching for sleep cues.  One eye on your baby, one eye on the clock...but after the right amount of fun.

For sleep plans and sleep advice, call me.  Free 15 minutes for sleep deprived parents.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights