Monday, May 12, 2014

Do you have feelings of guilt that increase on Mother's Day?

Do you have feelings of guilt that increase on Mother's Day?

It has been observed that women look at other women and take all the strengths and skills and good habits of the amazing women around them and group all those great qualities into one super women and then compare their own biggest weaknesses or differences to that super women ideal. Then comes the mother guilt.  "I'm not good enough, I'm not doing enough."  Do you do that?  I do.  I have even heard the amazing women I admire say that they do, too.  We are not being fair to ourselves or even remotely realistic. 

In openly talking about this topic on Mother's day in my Relief Society Women's group, it was amazing to hear the comparison's guilt.  One women talked about staying up late with her children.  Playing games at 1 am with her teenagers.  Always being available for late night phone calls with her college aged children.  Then comparing herself negatively with her friend who gets up super early with her children to do scripture reading, big breakfasts, early morning personal talks. And the early rising mother admitted to feeling like she was lacking because she was too tired at night to do bedtime personal talks and back rubs like her late night friend.  These 2 women are both amazing and totally different.  What is unrealistic is thinking you can be the late night mom AND the early morning mom.  So if you are doing this to yourself, comparing your weaknesses or alternate parenting style with someone else's strength or opposite parenting style, try to stop.

Our children are born with temperaments and personality's.  The range of those personality's are very broad and are un-comparable.  Do you have alert, temperamental, spirited children?  Are they a handful and sleep is a challenge?  Guess what?!  Those children can and most likely will grow up to be totally amazing, productive adults.  The real "go-getters" of the world.  One women was talking about her child as a spirited, smart, handful who hated class and just couldn't sit still and was always getting in trouble.  She knew everyone dreaded being his teacher.  The best thing one teacher did for them was to figure out that this boy needed to have his mind engaged in order to sit still and took the time to teach him in such a way that he thrived.  She also told his mom how much she loved having him in her class.  She said this in front of this boy several times.  What a difference this teacher made for the mom and the child.  It was life changing.  The little boy figured out that if he listened, he could answer all the questions in class and he knew all the answers.  He was super smart. He felt appreciated and loved by the teacher.   The mom finally had a teacher for him that cared enough to appreciate his strengths. It was such a relief. This spirited  little boy grew up to be an amazing man.  I hear this type of story all the time-great men came from spirited little boys.  A spirited child is not a bad thing.

There are many ways to mother a child and many opportunities to mother more than just your own children. Piano teachers, tutors, baby sitters, day care workers, doctors, neighbors, friends, teachers, etc can all be a mothering influence in our children's lives.  A women I admire, Sheri Dew, said "Are we not all Mothers?" As adults, we are still being mothered.  By our mothers, our grandmothers, our friends, our neighbors, our teachers and more.  The support group of women to women can be powerful.  I love to mother and be mothered.  I get the chance to mother other mother's as I teach them sleep coaching skills and I'm not even old enough to be their mother, not yet.  My children's piano teacher, their school and Sunday school teachers, the women my teenager's babysit for and more are helping to mother my children.  I'm so grateful to all the wonderful mothers out there and I hope you can see all your own strengths.  You are already amazing and are just going to keep getting better and better.

If you are too sleep deprived to even think about this, I can help.  Sleeping through the night is not an impossible feat.  Let me mother you and help you with this challenge. Call me for a free 15 chat about how you need some mothering.  Here is a link to watch a video about me talking about sleep coaching.

Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610

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