Is Night 1 of Sleep Training always awful? Nope. Check this out.

This was the Night 1 experience related in my Facebook Group "Sleep Sisters" by Christine with her 3 year old after developing a better sleep plan:

"Tracy thank you for your group consult last week!! We did night one tonight with my almost 3 year old and it was one hour beginning to end without one tear!! No attitude either, she actually seemed excited to go to bed in her toddler bed which I couldn't believe! We have done all the prep you mentioned and our family meeting was this morning to talk to her about it more in detail. Tonight she kept putting her new lovey to bed next to her tucking him in, asked for her potty to be put in her room, asked for her night light on (I've got to still get one that's not so bright) . She stayed in bed while I did those. . Then hugged lovey, whispered 'don't leave' to me, then went to sleep on her own while I stayed by the bed.. I'm in disbelief, when I tried this without your steps a few weeks ago she screamed for about an hour while I sat next to her and kicked her feet the whole time, it was awful and stressful to sit next to her like that telling her to go to sleep and having her tantrum over and over.. it's night and day implementing your steps! Thank you again, we will see how night 2 goes tomorrow and if she stays asleep tonight. ..thank you thank you thank you, my husband and I have new-found hope that her sleep issues can be resolved."

Now on to Night 2...

Night 2 has the potential to be worse than night one.  This is called an "Extinction Burst", which is a fancy psychological term for "She is going to test you."  It happens about 50% of the time.  Occasionally it happens sometime in the first 2 weeks.  Half the time it doesn't happen at all.

Good luck Christine!

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

 www.GetQuietNights.com

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What is gentle sleep training in Nut Shell?

Question:
I want to better understand how sleep training works. Is the core principle in sleep training sending a clear and consistent message regarding sleep to the baby? In other words, is sleep training about doing the same thing every time it’s sleep time in order to set a boundary so that my baby knows what I’m going to do and therefore knows how to behave?

Answer: 

The type of sleep training I teach parents to do is more about understanding the baby's needs, meeting those needs, and then making changes that still meet the needs but undoes the sleep crutches or sleep associations. We do it in such a way that is slow and with as low stress as possible, reading the baby's body language to still meet the needs and keep the infant mental health as the priority.  Once you have a plan that can do that, you need to be consistent with it, (within reason) to help the baby adjust to the new scenarios providing lots of responding.

In a nut shell, you want to help the baby go through the natural learning process that comes with learning sleep skills at an age appropriate level.  There are many variable that help make the process go smoother.  If your baby has an alert temperament, you want to do a method that has more responding in it and avoid Cry it Out (CIO) Methods.  CIO methods can cause an anxiety disorder in some alert babies so you want to be cautious if your method is going to cause too much stress.  It is possible to meet the baby's needs and your needs.  Most of the time, the goals the parents tell me they have are completely possible.  I will be up front with you if they are not.

You can co-sleep or undo co-sleeping and still develop improved sleep skills.  You can crib sleep, floor mattress sleep, nursery sleep or room share. There usually is a gentle sleep training option that fits your family style.

Share your goals with me and see if you would like to work together on a gentle sleep plan. I will coach you and you coach your baby.

Gentle sleep training is generally for ages 6 months to 6 years old. There are special plans for younger babies as early as 18 weeks but we take it really slow and very gently.  Gentle sleep training fosters secure attachment and help to develop independent and happy children.  

Tracy Spackman is the mother of 5 children and is Certified and Extensively Trained as a Gentle Sleep Coach.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

Call for a free 15 minute sleep evaluation.

602-524-7610

Check out the website.

www.GetQuietNights.com

Follow my Facebook Page.

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Join my sleep support group.

www.facebook.com/groups/sleepsistersgetquietnights/

Listen to my radio podcasts!

http://bit.ly/1fL7y1O   From July 2013

http://bit.ly/OG6ClD  From March 2014

http://bit.ly/X4QyYI in iTunes Nov 26, 2014

Watch my YouTube Channel videos!

Tracy Spackman talks about being a Gentle Baby Sleep Coach

Sleep talk at Chandler Hospital Feb 2015

5 Things that Keep Your Baby From Sleeping

4-6 months and night wakings increasing?

What is going on with the waking?  Is the 4 month sleep regression a trick to humble us mothers?Here's some science. (Knowledge gives patience, a sleep plan gives power.)

At 4 months, the brain goes through a major milestone where the vision changes, the baby can see farther away and therefore notices so much more. Their world has just opened up! Also, sleep is now a learned skill. Before this brain change, sleep ability was more innate. He could do long stretches at night or he woke frequently. Now the relaxation process that brings on sleep needs to be learned and for alert babies, it's tough. Alert babies notice more, are more observant, may be more social or more intently watching and often know what they want and hold out until they get it. It's not bad, he's just smart.  Lots going on in that little brain. So it's normal for night wakings to increase. Sleep cycle transitions cause partial and full arousals that need help (nursing or replugging a paci or holding or rocking) or sleep skills to get through. 

At 6 months there is a major growth spurt that often needs more night feelings. He is genuinely hungry. 

So all this is normal and with all your responding, you are a great mother! You can wait to see if it fixes on its own (probably not if he's alert but maybe) or you can take gentle steps to help your child learn sleep skills now or soon. The self soothing learning process is a 5 year process and night time separation is just part of it. At 6 months, taking it slow and gentle is better for infant mental health than "Cry it out". Many moms don't feel comfortable with Crying it out I don't like "Cry it out" either.  It all starts with bedtime and many daytime variables. Environment, nap timing, bedtime timing, bedtime routines and bedtime sleep crutches. So there may be lots of little things you can do that will make a difference or some big changes at bedtime and how you respond to night waking could help. You don't have to take out all your night feedings to have better sleep but responding to waking with feeding is a piece that can be adjusted with Dream Feeds along with a gentle response method could make it more manageable for you. There is a lot that goes into this. 

I just gave a class to 5 families yesterday and it took 2 hours to go over all the sleep pieces to cover everyone's situations. (Babies ranging from 5-18 months)  The solution to frequent night waking may not be a short Facebook answer or a few paragrsphs in a blog post. 

Waiting it out and responding consistently to see if it settles back into good sleep is totally fine if you are coping well with the wake ups. He is still young and nothing is urgent unless you are getting sleep deprived. Or you can develope a gentle plan to make changes and help him learn sleep skills. Write down your plan so you can be consistant. You can't teach sleep skills. You CAN put him in a situation where his body will go through the natural learning process of learning some self regulation while you offer support and co-regulation to help. Stay at his bed side. Pick ups. The right bedtime, enough day sleep. Secure attachment. They are all pieces to this sleep puzzle. 

Call me if you need help making a plan. 

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. 602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

Does Sleep Training Work? Answers from Mom's who did it...

This was the string on my sleep sisters Facebook page today...

Jen Snell Farrell feeling curious

Scottsdale, AZ

Has anyone on this site really has success with sleep training!?!? By using Tracy or books? Just curious because I don't see a lot of success stories. Maybe that is because the sisters with the success no longer check in with this group??

• Dylan Ashley Vallino yes I see a lot of success

  
  
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  Dylan Ashley Vallino I have worked with tracy

  
  
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  Dylan Ashley Vallino she changed everything for us!

  
  
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  Jen Snell Farrell Thank you Dylan Ashley Vallino

  
  
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  Linda Van Den Berg Didn't work with her as I live in Holland, but have taken tips from here that have made all the difference!

  
  
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  Sarah Brandt Flores I worked with her and had great success. The second time around I did it on my own and was able to apply some of the things that she'd taught me, and it worked out well again

  
  
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  Dylan Ashley Vallino Jen you can give Tracy Spackman a call and she will do a free consultation with you. It was great for me to start with that because it gave me an idea of her knowlege and what i would get, but she also gave me pointers that I could incorperate into our life right then. You can find more information about her at www.getquietnights.com
  

  
• Jen Snell Farrell Linda Van Den Berg I bet she could still work with you

  
  
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  Dylan Ashley Vallino She can. I'm out of state and talk to her via email and phone and that has worked for us!

  
  
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  Lauren Johnson Eastburn Yes! Worked with Tracy Spackman over the phone and followed her plan to get my 8 month old sleeping in his crib (not his rock 'n play!) for the first time since he was 4.5 months old. He also now makes it from 7:00 PM - 6:30 AM w/ only 2 dream feeds instead of having to nurse him almost hourly to get him back to sleep after a wake up...life changing - and not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!!! It admittedly felt a little intimidating at first, but once we started, it was empowering to have a plan and encouraging to watch him improve SO quickly!

  
  
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  Linda Van Den Berg Probably could! But I'm blessed with a good sleeper, so it isn't required thankfully. I did always have to feed him (bf) once every night and now I've learned to disassociate nursing with sleeping, he now goes 7-730am, feed, straight back till 9 or 10am. And he naps twice a day 1.5-2 hours each nap. So no complaints in the sleep department here!

  
  
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  Michelle Leland We were planning using Tracy and found a recommendation for a book on her website so borrowed it from the library and basically used it to success! We started sleep training a month ago from co-sleeping and nursing ondemand our 10 month old. If the book didn't work we were ready to book Tracy. But last night out LO slept 11 straight in his crib, self soothed and two awesome naps self soothed today so I would say success! This was even with a trip to Australia and mommy going back to work full time. I do think that sleep is a constant battle though as they hit different milestones and teething, etc.

  
  
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• Erica Rondina Somerville Which book Michelle Leland?

  
• Stephanie Rempel I used Tracy, I wanted to be able to contact someone if I had a question. She's great! We went from cosleeping - he would only fall asleep if we were there with him, and if he wasn't too hyper (which we now know is because we missed his sleep window) and anytime a tooth or new skill was coming it was a nightmare - to sleeping through the night, no dream feeds, no early waking, 12 hours of quiet! If he's sick or teething we hear from him a little more, but usually don't have to go in. We love it! And I usually check with Tracy directly if I have a question. I'd bet other moms who've hiredTracy do the same thing.

  
  
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  Erin Rodriguez I had great success with my (now) 3 year old. He goes to sleep on his own now and sleeps all night without a problem!

  
  
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  Rebecca Kuhr Rosen Lauren Johnson Eastburn I'm glad it worked for you too!! . Tracy Spackman was a huge help for us also!!! My 22 month old is now taking great 3 hour naps and sleeping through the night (he was waking every 2 hours). The first few nights were rough but soooooo worth it!

  
  
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  Paula Finch Yup! We had great success!! Sleeping through the night after 3 nights of coaching. That doesn't mean we haven't had our struggles, but once he gets better/we return from travel, he gets back into the routine very very quickly!! 
  
  I think a lot of us that have done coaching are just hanging around now, chiming in when we can!

  
  
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  Melissa F Mathis We used her and had GREAT SUCCESS! I highly recommend her.working with her changed our life

  
  
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  Justine Smith Yes!!! With Tracy Spackman!!

  
  
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  Paola Segnini Tracy was the only one who could help us. My daughter is very strongwilled and she's now sleeping through the night.

  
  
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  Natalie Dell I had tried so many things without success. Within a week of getting help from Tracy Spackman, our baby was sleeping through the night with dreamfeeds. She helped us so much!

  
  
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  Kirsten Colley-Lussier Yup, I got help for both my kids, one at 9mths one at 26 mths. Both times the plan worked but it wasn't easy.

  
  
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  Danielle Harris Had great success and only wish I had reached out sooner. I used tips from this page and Tracy's website in addition to tips I read in The Baby Whisperer. I didn't start until 15 months, got down to one wake up a night and I was ok with that because I was grateful for the extra sleep. I finally tackled the last wake up at 20 months and my son has been STTN for 2 months even with a slight hiccup with our holiday travel.

  
  
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  Melissa DiGianfilippo We used Tracy recently and have seen major changes with our 2 year old daughters sleep routine

  
  
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  Michelle Leland Erica Rondina Somerville it's was the Sleep Lady one by Kim West. We tried No cry sleep solution without much help, and Dr Weiss blyth Healthy Sleep Habits, happy child. But the Kim West one was great as we didn't want to do cry it out.

  
  
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  Jen Snell Farrell Alright alright!!! Hahahha thanks everyone! I will be callingTracy Spackman

  
  
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  Jen Snell Farrell Paula Finch Lauren Johnson Eastburn Melissa F Mathiswhat age was ur LO when you sleep trained?

• Alexia Ber We had great success with Tracy. My LO went from bed sharing most of the night and waking up 4-6 times a night to sleeping in the crib and waking up once.
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• • Amy McGrath We were also successful with Tracy ! We have a 3 1/2yr old who is the only kiddo in his preschool class who still naps religiously and has had impeccable sleep habits since we trained with her. We followed his routine to the T and it worked wonders. We came to her desperate for some help and needed more guidance than the books can provide. Now, with all I learned I am fairly confident I can handle what's coming when my new bundle gets here in March. But I love that this group is here for support and tips from mamas and Tracy! 
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  Tracy Spackman I'm going to take that book off my site. LOL Just kidding!

  
  
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  Tracy Spackman All of you need to post your comment on my testimonials on my website and on Yelp if you are a yelp user! Thanks for all your great comments.