4 year old keeps waking up at 5:30 am, what we can do to get her to sleep in?

Great Question:
My 4 year old daughter keeps waking up at 5:30 am no matter what we do... with a daytime nap, no nap.... (which is unbearable) she still wakes up too early.
We have black out curtains, noise machine.... and she still wakes up like clockwork. Oh and to add her bedtime is at 8 pm.... any tips on what we can do to get her to sleep in??

Answer:
She has sleep skills.  We helped her with sleep skills when she was 7 months old. So this is a typical age thing.  Talk about it with her a lot. If she seems tired from not getting a long enough night, point out her cranky and frustrated feelings when you see them. Point out to her that those feelings are from loosing sleep and sleeping later will help.  

I had to do this when my 5 year old was having temper-tantrums and meltdowns after school when he had to do a little kindergarten homework.  Writing a sentence was too stressful. He learned to recognize those feelings of frustration only happened on days he didn't get enough sleep.

An easy support tool is clear signal light. You can put an appliance timer on a lamp and set it to come on a specific time. Like a wake up light. Ask her to stay in her bed until the light comes on.  Start with it set for 5:45. Then increase it as she is successful. 

When she wakes, if she gets out of bed, bring her back to bad and sit with her quietly until the light comes on and then make a big deal about it. (Do a very Dramatic wake up).
I hope this helps. 

Tracy Spackman

Learn more about Tracy Spackman's child supportive sleep consulting at GetQuietNights.com.
Call her for a free sleep assessment.

What is your 'gentle' philosophy for sleep training?

I love it when people ask me about my methods. They aren't secret. Just special. 

My methods are very different than the typical sleep trainer. People are often surprised and relieved by the things I suggest. 

I promote a responding method that combines staying with your baby and offering a mix of touch, words, shushes, pick ups, feedings and keeping the stress levels as low as possible. I take your current situation and build small steps for you to take towards your end goal. 

Maybe you are co-sleeping and want crib sleep. Maybe you want to keep co-sleeping  but don't want to be the all night buffet but still want to keep nursing, just not all night. Maybe you have a crib sleeper that needs frequent attention all night leaving both you and baby sleep deprived. Whatever your situation, I can help you reach your goal without sacrificing your parenting values. I help with toddler troubles too. Even preschoolers. 

Sometimes this is a 3-6 day process or a 2 week process or it can extend to a month or two depending on how things go. I teach you how to modify it to meet the response of your child. I also help you to control as many variables as you can, to set your baby up for the lowest stress experience possible for your baby. Some of these thing include maximizing day sleep, sleep space environment, adequate feeding, and more. Once you control all of the different sleep pieces that you can control, the rest of the stress potential is dependent on the individual temperament that your particular baby is born with. You can't control your baby's temperament, you just have to modify the method to respond and meet your baby's needs. So if you have a baby with an intense, slow to change, alert temperament, then there is likely going to be higher stress and more crying than a baby that has an easy-going, happy go lucky, easy to change temperament.  I specialize in spirited and alert babies. Spirited babies, or babies that have higher needs, usually are overly stimulated by their environment. These overly stimulated babies need more parental involvement, more hugs, more holding, more attention, etc. These babies will continue to have increased perception of their surroundings as they grow up. So if these babies do get the parental attention that they are seeking, then they grow up to be the real go-getters of the world. They continue to have increased perceptions but they also have lots of practice problem-solving with their extra parental support growing up. This gives them a huge advantage over their peers. These attention seeking babies actually have higher potential than regular babies. I use methods that encourage the extra parental attention to foster the problem-solving practice that these babies need. You can give lots of attention and still learn self soothing skills. It just has to be done in a different way. 'Cry it out' is not that way and so I avoid that method. 

The process I go through in doing a consultation with the new family starts with you filling out a seven page sleep history that I send to you. It gives me the information that I need to create a plan for you.  Choose a package on my website www.GetQuietNights.com and once I receive your payment, I send you the Sleep History and a link to a parenting site that has narrated power point videos on it to give you base of the things I would like to talk with you about. Then we will talk for an hour or an hour and a half about the method I want you to follow and the steps I want you to take to help you meet your goals. We will modify the steps in our discussion over that phone call or in-person consultation. Then, as you implement the steps that we have discussed, you have the option to take advantage of the follow-up calls that come with the package you purchased. There is also an email and text option in some of the packages if that is the communication style you prefer.  

Success starts with a good plan that you can feel confident implementing and then follow up with me to help you stay on track, answer your questions, and help you troubleshoot any regressions or difficult situations you encounter.

If you have more questions about my methods, I would be happy to talk with you over the phone. If you're ready to book a consultation then choose a package on my website www.GetQuietNights.com  and I will send you the link to the video site and sleep history. 

Give me a call to answer your questions or to set it up. 

Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

Gentle Sleep Coaching - Teaching you how to get your kids to sleep.

www.GetQuietNights.com

www.Facebook.com/QuietNights

www.GetQuietNights.blogspot.com 

www.Twitter.com/GetQuietNights

www.Facebook.com/groups/SleepSistersGetQuietNights.com

What is gentle sleep training in Nut Shell?

Question:
I want to better understand how sleep training works. Is the core principle in sleep training sending a clear and consistent message regarding sleep to the baby? In other words, is sleep training about doing the same thing every time it’s sleep time in order to set a boundary so that my baby knows what I’m going to do and therefore knows how to behave?

Answer: 

The type of sleep training I teach parents to do is more about understanding the baby's needs, meeting those needs, and then making changes that still meet the needs but undoes the sleep crutches or sleep associations. We do it in such a way that is slow and with as low stress as possible, reading the baby's body language to still meet the needs and keep the infant mental health as the priority.  Once you have a plan that can do that, you need to be consistent with it, (within reason) to help the baby adjust to the new scenarios providing lots of responding.

In a nut shell, you want to help the baby go through the natural learning process that comes with learning sleep skills at an age appropriate level.  There are many variable that help make the process go smoother.  If your baby has an alert temperament, you want to do a method that has more responding in it and avoid Cry it Out (CIO) Methods.  CIO methods can cause an anxiety disorder in some alert babies so you want to be cautious if your method is going to cause too much stress.  It is possible to meet the baby's needs and your needs.  Most of the time, the goals the parents tell me they have are completely possible.  I will be up front with you if they are not.

You can co-sleep or undo co-sleeping and still develop improved sleep skills.  You can crib sleep, floor mattress sleep, nursery sleep or room share. There usually is a gentle sleep training option that fits your family style.

Share your goals with me and see if you would like to work together on a gentle sleep plan. I will coach you and you coach your baby.

Gentle sleep training is generally for ages 6 months to 6 years old. There are special plans for younger babies as early as 18 weeks but we take it really slow and very gently.  Gentle sleep training fosters secure attachment and help to develop independent and happy children.  

Tracy Spackman is the mother of 5 children and is Certified and Extensively Trained as a Gentle Sleep Coach.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

Call for a free 15 minute sleep evaluation.

602-524-7610

Check out the website.

www.GetQuietNights.com

Follow my Facebook Page.

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Join my sleep support group.

www.facebook.com/groups/sleepsistersgetquietnights/

Listen to my radio podcasts!

http://bit.ly/1fL7y1O   From July 2013

http://bit.ly/OG6ClD  From March 2014

http://bit.ly/X4QyYI in iTunes Nov 26, 2014

Watch my YouTube Channel videos!

Tracy Spackman talks about being a Gentle Baby Sleep Coach

Sleep talk at Chandler Hospital Feb 2015

5 Things that Keep Your Baby From Sleeping

Tired one Minute, Ready to Play the Next! What's with that?

 Is your baby tired one minute, ready to play the next! 

What's up with that?    

                                      

Congratulations, You have just missed the sleep window.  This blue eyed baby had these two pictures taken just a minute a part.  She is 6 months old and she is very alert.  It is hard to catch her sleep window because her overtired state (Cortisol Rush) comes right on the heels of Yawning and Eye rubbing, or in other words, the obvious tired signs. It's just not fair!  One minute you see that she's tired, then she is ready to play again. 

Here's what you can do.  

First, try to catch the early tired signs.  

Do you know what those are?

I ran a pole in my "Sleep Sisters-Get Quiet Nights"  Facebook group of Early Tired Signs that the mom's had observed in their babies. 

They Mentioned:

Zoning out

Staring off into space

Disinterest

Disengaging

Glassy eyes

Blinking more slowly

Clumsy (Toddlers)

Scrunching up their face

Clenching their fists

Grunting or Grizzing

Laying their head on the floor

Crawling over for a hug

Putting their head on mom's shoulder

Pulling Ears or Hair

Red Around the eyes or eyebrows (this can be an early or a late sign)

Hands get warm (this was the first time I had heard of this unique sleep cue) 

Early Tired signs can be VERY hard to catch. They are more subtle and may only last for a moment. If you see an early tired sign, put your baby to bed even if it only lasts a minute and your baby seems happy to keep playing and stay up.  Your baby has entered the sleep window and you just saw the opening act.  The closing act (yawing and eye rubbing) you want to happen after her head is on the mattress if you have an Alert baby like this one.  

If you can not see the early tired signs, no matter how hard you try, that does NOT mean that you aren't a good mom.  That happens all the time.  Especially if you have an alert, smart, spirited baby.  That would be like feeling guilty for not knowing what every cry means.  Tired, Hungry, Overstimulated, Poopy, Bored, etc.  (Oh wait, you do feel guilty about that?)  No need to feel guilty about that.  Throw that guilt out the window.  Many babies don't have the range of crying for all the different things, and mom's may not have the sensitive hearing it takes to distinguish the cries or the life experience to tell the difference.  Not your fault.  Your effort is enough.  Here is a cheat sheet for Fussy Signs you can't Identify.  Print it out and stick it to your refrigerator. 

A Sleep Deprived Parent's Cheat Sheet for Guessing 

Why She's Crying

So here is a trick to help you figure out the sleep window when early sleep cues are not obvious. 

Make a timeline of your sleep. 

• Wake up time. 
• Early tired signs (See the above list)
• Late tired signs. (Yawning, eye rubbing) 
• Cortisol rush (Burst of Energy)

Now figure out how long your wakeful window is. And How long your sleep window is. If you can't figure out how long your wakeful window is, look at the time difference between wake up and cortisol rush. Now subtract 15 minutes from that time. That's how long your wakeful window is. That's when you should have been seeing early tired signs. It can be hard to see those early tired signs. Especially with alert children.

For babies 6-9 months the wakeful windows are often 2 hours long so naps are 2 hours apart. We call this a 2-2-2-2 schedule. The 2 represents a wakeful window. 

For babies 9-18 months the wakeful windows are more like 2-3-4. Wake up, then two hours of wakefulness. Have a nap then three hours of wakefulness. Then have an afternoon nap and then 4 hours of awake time, then it's bedtime. 

I call this a 2-3-4 schedule. 

For toddlers 17 months to 2 years old, the first nap gets dropped and it's more of a 6-4 schedule. Wake up, awake for 6 hours, then nap. Then up to 4 hours and then it's bedtime. 

For toddlers over 2 years old, the wakeful windows are much less predictable so watch for the early tired signs. 

Remember, It's your effort and responsiveness that makes you a good parent.  Not the number of perfect days you have. 

Tracy Spackman is Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

www.GetQuietNights.com

602-524-7610

What's with the 4 month sleep Regression?!

 Many babies increase their waking at night around the 4 the month.  They seem more distracted and sleep goes out the window.

There is tons of brain development going on in their little head. 

The vision changes. Your baby can now see farther away and with all the added detail to her world,  she is more perceptive and therefore more distracted.  

Sleep falls apart and naps are hard to get and often feeding is harder as she is more easily distracted.  

This is when the baby is ready to lean sleep skills. Previous to this, sleep is innate. Either she can do it or she can’t. Sleep self soothing is a learned skill. This skill enables her to relax and organize  her body to sleep when she is tired and it also helps her to better manage her emotions when in stressful situations. This doesn't mean you have to jump into sleep coaching, many parents wait until after 6 months, hoping it will get better all on it's own.  Sometimes it does.  It's all about temperament.

Many parents tell me their child’s temper tantrums stop and their child is more even tempered once they are able to sleep without a sleep crutch. So, your child is reaching this time. It’s very exciting and frustrating at the same time. If you want to do sleep training, it’s still a good idea to wait until 6 months if you are going to follow a book. If you need better sleep now, that’s where I can help. To do something gentle like I do, your baby still needs to be at least 18 weeks old and at least 2 weeks into the more distracted phase of the 4 month sleep regression and you would want to maintain appropriate night feedings as part of your plan. 

Until you have a plan in place that you feel confident in and can be consistent about, keep doing what ever crutch gets you both as much sleep as possible. Swings, nursing, co-sleeping, rocking etc. these are blessings until you are ready for change. Please check out my website www.GetQuietNights.com and read the success stories of parents going through what you are going through.  I have recommended books and a blog on there too. 

I wish someone has explained it to me when my babies were that age.

For sleep consultations, visit www.GetQuietNights.com

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. That means she will teach you how to help your child sleep through the night without doing Cry It Out.

Free 15 min sleep assessments. Call 602-524-7610

What age can you send kids to put themselves to sleep?

It's always a good idea to take your kids to bed instead of sending your kids to bed. 

I was able to make the switch by the time my older children were at the age 10 or 11 years old. Before that, bringing them to bed was the beginning part of some sweet family rituals that prepare them for life success.

For my 2 youngest boys, I helped them brush their teeth and then we moved on to me reminding them to brush their teeth.  I started reading them stories and now, after tucking them in, they read for a short while until it's lights out time.  If I try sending them to bed, they just play, fool around and make a mess. 

I remember an episode of Super Nanny I happen to see and she told that mom she was not helping the situation. The program showed a video of the mom yelling at the kids to go to bed while she watched TV. Over and over again. Of course the kids didn't listen. Super Nanny suggested she "take" them to bed instead. It's a great suggestion for all of us.

Check ups will still be needed after you pass this milestone but it really is fantastic to send them to bed when they are old enough to do it all themselves but it comes after many years of doing it together.

Tracy Spackman is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach in Phoenix Arizona.  Join her Gentle Sleep Support Facebook Group Called "Sleep Sister-Get Quiet Nights"

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

www.GetQuietNights.com

http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

http://getquietnights.blogspot.com/

https://twitter.com/GetQuietNights

Is Cry It Out the only option? NO!

There seems to be a lot of pressure on moms to have a quiet, sleeping through the night baby at a very young age. But in fact this is just not normal. It's not about weight, or even weeks, it's about developmental readiness and temperament.

In and around the 4th month of age there is a lot of cognitive development. Some babies may be ready as early as 18 weeks and others need more time to grow and bond. Follow your heart and do what you feel is best for your baby. Bond, nurse, co-sleep, wear, whatever feels safe and right. It doesn't matter what culture, neighbors, sisters or mothers in law say about it.

The range of what a baby can do it very broad. Some babies are naturally good sleepers. Others have a difficult time shutting down their minds to sleep. Talk to your doctor and still listen to your intuition. When he says babies wake a lot at night, he's right. And some babies wake more than others. If you are sleep deprived and going crazy, try motion naps in the stroller, swing or carrier and part of the nights in a swing laid all the way back. Does co-sleeping work for you? Would room sharing help? Be responsive.

Many mom's get repeated advice to just do Cry It Out.  There are many articles and posts about the negative effects of Cry It Out.  If that's just not for you, rest assured,
you have other options.  The No Cry Sleep Solution is a long, slow drawn out, baby step plan that works for many families.  But for some families it's too long.  The Good Night Sleep Tight book by Kim West is great if you have an older baby.  For younger babies, it's too visually stimulating and not responsive enough.  There are methods of camping out where you sleep in your baby's room. Methods of touching and shushing.  Methods of Picking up and putting down.  So many methods.  What is right for you?

I have found that there IS perfect combo of methods that works quickly and easily but definitely takes more effort than Cry It Out.  Where is this book?  It's not written. It's a combo made specifically for you child's temperament and age.  You get that from a gentle sleep coach. That's the advantage of a sleep coach, she will tell you what to do, work with you to find the fastest and most gentle approach, tailored for your child's needs and his parents goals.

 If you are at your wits end and just need a plan, I can help. I may just help you have reasonable expectations or there maybe a few things you can do to help your baby sleep longer stretches until your baby is ready to do more. But if you are fine, keep doing what you are doing. If you don't have a problem with the waking, it's not a problem. I can't believe how fast they grow. Get past the 4 month vision changes and brain development and then see how you are doing. It's so fun when baby can see you from further away. The increased perceptiveness is exciting for your baby and very distracting. So much of the world to see. Get to at least 18 weeks and re-evaluate. If you can hold off until 6 months, even better but I understand if you can't get that far.

If you wonder if you have realistic expectations, I can talk to you about that for free. I speak on that subject regularly at the local moms groups, hospitals and baby stores and on Facebook groups. Let me give you some coping strategies.

Take a few minutes of my time for free. 602-524-7610. Call, text or message me to set up a free 5-15 minute call. I'm here to help. If you know you are ready to make major changes and just want someone to give you step by step instructions that fit with your family goals, book a consultation and we will get you all sleeping in no time.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Post by Quiet Nights Sleep Coaching Services.

What's the perfect bedtime?

How do you know when to put your child to bed?

It depends on the age, the nap, and the wake up time and more.  I often speak about the "Anticipated Bedtime" and catching the sleep window.  I could talk your ear off about this topic.

In a nut shell, here is a general guide-line but defiantly not written in stone:

• 4 months-6-7 but may still be unpredictable.  (4th month is crazy)
• 5 months Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 90 minutes after the last nap
• 6 months-Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 2 hrs after the last nap
• 9 months-Around 7pm or 12-13 hrs after wake up and 3-4 hrs after last nap 
• 12 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 18 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 2 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4-5 hrs after nap 
• 2.5-4 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and it's much more unpredictable  of a time frame after the last nap.

Other things to watch for are the child's natural behaviors that let you know they are tired. Yawning and eye rubbing are late sleep cues.  Watching for late sleep cues works more for Easier temperamented children and less for Alert children.  

Other things to watch for are:

Zoning out

Staring off into space

Glassy Eyes

Disinterest

Fist clenching

Eye Squinting

Red tinge to skin around eye brows and eyes

Slowing down

Clumsy

Clingy

Lay on the floor for a moment

When picked up they-head on your shoulder

There may be other unique cues that you will notice before the Yawning and Eye Rubbing 

If you see a burst of energy after Yawning and Eye rubbing, you just missed the sleep window. So keep one eye on your baby and one eye on the clock.

Here is my simple idea.  Set the alarm or timer on your smart phone for 2-3.5 hours when he wakes up. (Depending on the age)  Don't worry about catching the sleep window until the timer buzzes in your pocket.  Then keep snoozing the timer until you see his sleep cues.  Once you see his sleep cues, put him to bed.  So instead of watching all the time for the sleep cues, just do it for the 10-20 minutes around the end of the expected wakefulness.  Notice how cute he is instead  of going crazy watching for sleep cues.  One eye on your baby, one eye on the clock...but after the right amount of fun.

For sleep plans and sleep advice, call me.  Free 15 minutes for sleep deprived parents.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

17 months old - food sensitivities & waking screaming 'bloody murder'

I love getting emails like this:
Hi Tracy!

How are you? Long time, no talk which in your line of business isn't a bad thing ;)  I never began my 2 weeks of follow up calls with you because Hailey responded very well to some of the changes we made during the day. Following your advice, I began giving her a morning nap again (no more than 45 mins), changed the night light situation, I bathe her with lilac Epsom salts every night, and I have waged a war against any form of light entering her room. I think one of the biggest changes is that she now goes to sleep no later than 7 pm (whereas previously it was 8 pm) and I've been diligently paying abiding by the sleep windows. As such, she's been sleeping through the night and the world is a much brighter happier place for our family :)  In fact, we've fallen in love all over again with her!  She is a TOTALLY different kid and has such an unbelievable little personality.  She's more coordinated, there's no more raunchy, screaming crying, she's nowhere as intense, she's active, and best of all she's HAPPY!  Some of the things that desperately concerned me are no longer concerns as it seems that the sleep has fixed so many of my worries.  The more sleep she started getting during the day and the earlier bedtime allowed for her to start sleeping through the night.  I didn't have to do any of the shushing.  There was one week where she woke up often but she was getting 3 molars so I gave her an excuse.  Aside from teething she sleeps through the night and it has been glorious.

Thanks,

Heather

This mom's baby was 17 months old, we did some gentle things to adjust her schedule and she had food sensitivities and would wake screaming bloody murder.  The mom had serious health issues with her thyroid and what looked like PPD but guess what, getting back to sleeping all night fixed all the mom's health issues.  A good sleep makes a world of difference.  Sleep deprivation was wreaking havoc with her family and now it's wonderful again.  Getting enough sleep is the right place to start.

If you are sleep deprived, I can help.

Free 15 minute sleep assessment.  Just contact me.

Tracy Spackman

602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Post by Tracy Spackman.