4 year old keeps waking up at 5:30 am, what we can do to get her to sleep in?

Great Question:
My 4 year old daughter keeps waking up at 5:30 am no matter what we do... with a daytime nap, no nap.... (which is unbearable) she still wakes up too early.
We have black out curtains, noise machine.... and she still wakes up like clockwork. Oh and to add her bedtime is at 8 pm.... any tips on what we can do to get her to sleep in??

Answer:
She has sleep skills.  We helped her with sleep skills when she was 7 months old. So this is a typical age thing.  Talk about it with her a lot. If she seems tired from not getting a long enough night, point out her cranky and frustrated feelings when you see them. Point out to her that those feelings are from loosing sleep and sleeping later will help.  

I had to do this when my 5 year old was having temper-tantrums and meltdowns after school when he had to do a little kindergarten homework.  Writing a sentence was too stressful. He learned to recognize those feelings of frustration only happened on days he didn't get enough sleep.

An easy support tool is clear signal light. You can put an appliance timer on a lamp and set it to come on a specific time. Like a wake up light. Ask her to stay in her bed until the light comes on.  Start with it set for 5:45. Then increase it as she is successful. 

When she wakes, if she gets out of bed, bring her back to bad and sit with her quietly until the light comes on and then make a big deal about it. (Do a very Dramatic wake up).
I hope this helps. 

Tracy Spackman

Learn more about Tracy Spackman's child supportive sleep consulting at GetQuietNights.com.
Call her for a free sleep assessment.

4-6 months and night wakings increasing?

What is going on with the waking?  Is the 4 month sleep regression a trick to humble us mothers?Here's some science. (Knowledge gives patience, a sleep plan gives power.)

At 4 months, the brain goes through a major milestone where the vision changes, the baby can see farther away and therefore notices so much more. Their world has just opened up! Also, sleep is now a learned skill. Before this brain change, sleep ability was more innate. He could do long stretches at night or he woke frequently. Now the relaxation process that brings on sleep needs to be learned and for alert babies, it's tough. Alert babies notice more, are more observant, may be more social or more intently watching and often know what they want and hold out until they get it. It's not bad, he's just smart.  Lots going on in that little brain. So it's normal for night wakings to increase. Sleep cycle transitions cause partial and full arousals that need help (nursing or replugging a paci or holding or rocking) or sleep skills to get through. 

At 6 months there is a major growth spurt that often needs more night feelings. He is genuinely hungry. 

So all this is normal and with all your responding, you are a great mother! You can wait to see if it fixes on its own (probably not if he's alert but maybe) or you can take gentle steps to help your child learn sleep skills now or soon. The self soothing learning process is a 5 year process and night time separation is just part of it. At 6 months, taking it slow and gentle is better for infant mental health than "Cry it out". Many moms don't feel comfortable with Crying it out I don't like "Cry it out" either.  It all starts with bedtime and many daytime variables. Environment, nap timing, bedtime timing, bedtime routines and bedtime sleep crutches. So there may be lots of little things you can do that will make a difference or some big changes at bedtime and how you respond to night waking could help. You don't have to take out all your night feedings to have better sleep but responding to waking with feeding is a piece that can be adjusted with Dream Feeds along with a gentle response method could make it more manageable for you. There is a lot that goes into this. 

I just gave a class to 5 families yesterday and it took 2 hours to go over all the sleep pieces to cover everyone's situations. (Babies ranging from 5-18 months)  The solution to frequent night waking may not be a short Facebook answer or a few paragrsphs in a blog post. 

Waiting it out and responding consistently to see if it settles back into good sleep is totally fine if you are coping well with the wake ups. He is still young and nothing is urgent unless you are getting sleep deprived. Or you can develope a gentle plan to make changes and help him learn sleep skills. Write down your plan so you can be consistant. You can't teach sleep skills. You CAN put him in a situation where his body will go through the natural learning process of learning some self regulation while you offer support and co-regulation to help. Stay at his bed side. Pick ups. The right bedtime, enough day sleep. Secure attachment. They are all pieces to this sleep puzzle. 

Call me if you need help making a plan. 

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. 602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

What's your sleep plan?

Someone today said to me..."Everyone is talking about your plan. What is this plan!!!!!!"

The plan is a list of action items to get your baby ready for sleep coaching and then a step by step gentle method to undo sleep crutches and meet your goals. I try to break the method up into 6 steps but everyone's list and plan is different depending on their situation. The plan is personalized. It's not the typical stuff you find in books and on baby sites. It's more gentle and focuses on Infant mental health while making small changes. Often it involves sleeping in your baby's room or room sharing to start and doing a lot of support but then doing less and less in well defined steps.  Do you want me to make a plan for you? I have you fill out a sleep history, watch some videos, we talk for at least an hour to go over your plan details, then we talk as you implement the plan to ensure your success. Consultation package details are on my website. A plan is not a few sentences I can put on Facebook. It's a parenting change to meet your sleep goals. 

www.GetQuietNights.com 

DIY Wake up Lights--Instructions (Because Toddlers don't Tell Time)

A Wake-Up Light is a special light or device to help your child know when it's all right to get out of bed in the morning.

Toddler's don't tell time, but they do understand "lights on" or "lights off." “Lights on” means it’s time to be awake. “Lights off” means it's time to sleep. 

You want a wake-up light that is dark at night, not glowing or otherwise lit. It's better to sleep in the dark if you can. Many wake-up lights you purchase at the store have night lights on them that glow all night long, so I chose to make one myself.

You can make one yourself, too. You probably already have everything you need in your home! Just use any small lamp that you have. A pretty Mayan salt lamp or a cute Disney lamp… or an old ugly, stored-in-the-garage-and-meant-for-the-next-garage-sale lamp. It's fun even to use a small green bulb (found in the outdoor Christmas lights section of your hardware store, or in your storage… in the Christmas lights box) or a chandelier light bulb. If the base of the bulb is too small for your lamp, you can get an adapter piece (also found at the hardware store—most guys already know this) that screws into the lamp and changes the base size. 

Plug the lamp into the wall through an appliance timer (also found in your store of Christmas stuff, or at the hardware store, or in the hardware aisle of the grocery store for around $3). This is like the one you use for your outdoor Christmas lights. Set it to go on at the wake-up time like at 6 a.m. or 7 a.m.

As I said, you probably already have everything you need right there at home. What you don’t have, you can find for quite cheap at your local home hardware store. If you can use a green bulb, you can teach your child that green means go! Talk about the light at bedtime and again in the morning to reinforce what you expect:

"When the light is dark, it's time to sleep. When the light is on, it's time to wake up." The light shouldn't be bright enough to wake her up, but it will be a signal that sends a clear message for when she does wake up. If she wakes before the light comes on, and she can't get back to sleep, stay with her until it comes on to reinforce the meaning of the light. 

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
Helping children sleep better one family at a time.
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com

Is Cold Turkey Night Weaning the best option?

Is your baby waking at night because they are hungry? That's the first question.  The second question is, Does your baby need to eat at night?

If your baby is under 6 months old, the answer is PROBABLY! Like the baby in this picture, he needs to eat at night.

If your baby is under 9 months, you should discuss this with your doctor and  your lactation consultant.  Many babies are ready to go all night without eating by 7 months old but each baby is unique and eating is more important than sleeping.  Many mom's choose to do a night feeding past 12 months.  That is just fine.

If you have determined that your baby does not need to eat at night and he is eating out of habit, and you choose to make a change, then you can take gentle steps to wean your baby from night feeding.  

There are 3 common ways to go about night weaning.  One of them is to go cold turkey and just stop feeding them.  This is not my favorite way but it depends on the age of the baby. When you stop feeding at night cold turkey, your baby will still feel hungry.  And he will need extra attention and support as his body gets used to not getting those calories at that time.

Have you ever gone on a diet or changed your own eating patterns?  Let me tell you my potato chip story:  A few years ago, my husband and I would have all 5 of our children in bed by 7 pm. (Sounds heavenly, right? It is!) We would sit down to watch a show we had recorded on the DVR and relax together.  After the show, we would pull out a bag of potato chips (salt n vinegar is our favorite) and eat the whole bag together while we watched another show. (sometimes it was plain ripple chips with homemade sour cream onion dip.)  Well of course, after a few months of doing this stay home daily mini-date, we started to regret the potato chip fat factor.  So we decided to stop.  We heard somewhere that you shouldn't eat after 8pm or something like that.  We stopped cold turkey.  The craving for the potato chips at 9pm was unreal!!  I wanted to get in the car and drive to the store to get some, I craved them so bad.  Ugh.  It was awful.  Was that my body telling me that I needed potato chips?  Should I be listening to my body cravings?  No.  My body doesn't need potato chips. What was happening to us is called a blood sugar spike.  My body was used to getting those calories at that time regularly.  It takes about 3 days to undo a blood sugar spike like that.  And after 3 days of no potato chips at 9pm, I stopped craving them at 9pm.  I never crave them when I'm shopping in the store so I just stopped buying them unless we are having a party.

So if you go cold turkey in taking milk out of your child's night time responses, it takes about 3 days for their blood sugar spike to smooth out. Please be more responsive and attentive if you choose this method.  They are experiencing real feelings of hunger that are uncomfortable.  I know.  I have been there.  A hug, snuggle, your presence, your attention can help support them through the transition. Come when they call for you.

The other ways to wean night feedings are with dream feeds (my favorite method) or with gradual diluting.  Those are a whole other subject for blog posts or consultations.
Every baby's scenario is different and there are no cookie-cutter solutions.  Age, temperament, past sleep experience and bedtime crutches make a difference.  

As a gentle sleep coach, I look at the situation and create a plan unique to that family. Call me if you need help.  Free 15 min initial evaluation.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com                     Email

 www.GetQuietNights.com                       Website   

http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights     Like me on Facebook

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Is your toddler climbing out of the crib?

Is your toddler climbing out of the crib?  Is he losing sleep and up all nap-time or all night, forcing you to keep bringing him back to bed? Are you thinking of transitioning to a bed instead?

Hold that thought!

The important question is: Is he still younger than 2.5 years?  There is a level of cognitive development needed to comprehend more complex concepts like..."Stay In Bed!"  Most children under 2.5 aren't quite there yet, and so moving them to a toddler bed starts a whole new onslaught of problem with your child getting out of bed and coming to you in the night, or worse yet, wandering around the house in the middle of the night while you are sleeping.

First, try these tips borrowed from some very creative Moms trying to keep their toddlers from climbing out of their cribs.  This is assuming you have already put the mattress on the lowest setting.

1. Dress them in a PJ night shirt that goes all the way to their feet.  This can help prevent them from getting that all-important leg up.

2. Put them in a sleep sack.  That also can help prevent them from getting a leg up.  Some mom's have sewn the bottom to be a little more narrow for added effect.  And yes, they do make sleep sacks in toddler sizes!

3. Sew the legs together of their sleeper.  This makes it extremely hard to get that leg up.

4. Drop the bottom out of your crib altogether to make the rail higher. Fill in the bottom with boards.  Make it secure with screws.  Be sure it is solid and Safe. Don't be afraid to hire a professional carpenter for help with this tip.  I found a blog post about creating a dropped mattress crib modification here.

Or add a piece to the top if that's easier. Here is what another creative family did.

If you are determined to take him from the crib and use a bed instead, and if he continues to get up in the night, you can try a gentle sleep plan.  That still may not give you 100% success of keeping him in bed all night if he just isn't ready.  Putting a tall gate at the door and clearing the room of climbable furniture and distracting toys would be like turning the whole room into one big crib and there, they would be safe all night.

If you have forgone the crib all together and are sleeping on a floor mattress with your child, that works too.

Everyone needs sleep to be healthy and productive.

Tracy Spackman is a gentle sleep coach living in Phoenix, Arizona and she is helping families get better sleep all over the world.  To set up a consultation, go to www.GetQuietNights.com.

Tracy Spackman
www.GetQuietNights.com
602-524-7610
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Epsom Salts! Can it fix...Acting out, Biting, acting violent...? Or is it sleep deprivation?

Talking with a wise friend today, she shared a great parenting tip. Epsom salts. If you have a child that is acting out, biting, acting violent and you don't know where these behaviors could possibly be coming from, perhaps they are low in magnesium which increases anxiety and causes discomfort in their bodies. She was the 4th friend to tell me she had done this with her children and seen dramatic behavioral improvement.

Epson Salts is Magnesium Sulfate. The body uses Magnesium to keep bones strong and the heart rhythm steady. It also supports the immune system and helps maintain muscle and nerve function. Studies indicate that giving your child take a bath can be part of a comforting routine (with or without adding Epsom salt) which can help improve sleep. Further, it is believed that Epsom salts especially help with stress, circulation and softening the skin. As an added health benefit, the Epsom Salt Council reports that magnesium and sulfates, both important minerals for the body, may be absorbed through the skin. (See Source)

Try giving your child an Epsom salts baths every other day or even every day and see if it improves the behavior.  Soak for 10-15 minutes.  Just get the no-name brand from the drugstore. It's very cheap. 

Edible sources of Magnesium include All-Bran cereal, nuts, soymilk, edamame, spinach, oatmeal, black and other beans, whole wheat bread, yogurt, brown rice, bananas, milk, raisins, avocado, halibut.  

 This is not the first time I have heard this great tip. So I'm passing on to you.

 Another common reason for this type of behavior is sleep deprivation.  If you need to improve your child's sleep, please give me a call.  Sleep consultations done in person or over the phone.

Contact me for a consultation today.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

http://getquietnights.com/2014/06/epsom-salts-can-it-fix-acting-out-biting-acting-violent/

Sources:  

http://www.babycenter.com/0_magnesium-in-your-childs-diet_10324694.bc, http://www.livestrong.com/article/289405-why-shouldnt-children-have-epsom-salt-baths/

Post by Quiet Nights Sleep Coaching Services.

Post by Tracy Spackman.

Are you keeping a log?

Have you ever heard the expression, "Return and Report".   It means to get the job done and then report the progress or completion to your superiors or others who need to know.  This helps us keep track of progress.  We do it for work, health and goals.  It's very important in sleep coaching.

After a few days of sleep coaching, you start to forget what happens in the previous days and it all blends together.  So keep a log.  Then you can see your progress in black and white.  When keeping your log digitally, it's going to get lost unless you label it properly. It's called digital filing and as I was explaining my preference to a Mom I am working with she said, "you are so right, people don't realize how important proper labeling of digital filing is."  I look at a lot of logs and have found a way to keep them all straight. From person to person and from day to day.  Here's the secret.  Label Everything.
Name, age, city (this helps me know what time zone you are in for follow up calls), Night, Step, Date with Day of the Week.
So for example:  Baby Spackman, 7mo, Phoenix, Night 1, Step 1, Tuesday, June 10 2014
Then as you progress, the Night and Step and Date Change and if it goes long, the age adjusts.  This is especially important if your baby is 18 weeks old when you start.  Every week matters.
Title every log this way.  The order of the info can change, just be consistent about it.  Condensed, this log title may be: Baby Spackman, 7mo Phx N1 S1 Tues 6/10/14
The log itself is especially helpful if you keep it like a list. Start with the time and then what happened. Add as many details as you like.
For Example:

4-4:30pm Last nap (30 min)
6:30 in crib (1 pick up, lots of quiet breaks, moderate fussing)
6:50 Asleep

9pm woke up (coached step 1)
9:15 back to sleep

12 Dream Feed (10 min)

3 woke up (2 pick ups, lots of gas)
4 back to sleep

4:30 woke up
4:45 back to sleep
5 woke up
5:20 back to sleep
6 woke up
6:10 back to sleep
7 woke up  DWU (Dramatic Wake Up)  & Nursed.

With your logs, lay look at them in multi-day lists side by side.  Compare the falling asleep times.  Compare how many wake ups and how long.  Compare any early rising.  Where do you see the progress.  Have you gone from 60 min to fall asleep to 10 min to fall asleep?  Have you gone from 6 wake ups to 1?  Have you gone from 5am wake up for the day to 6 am wake up for the day?  These would be signs of progress.

If you need help putting a sleep plan together and want to do a gentle method, give me a call.
Contact me for a Free 15 min sleep assessment.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights
http://getquietnights.com/2014/06/are-you-keeping-a-log/

Post by Quiet Nights Sleep Coaching Services.

Post by Tracy Spackman.

9 month old success story

9 month old success story:
The baby was waking 4-8 times a night, re-actively co-sleeping in her parents bed, 45 min to get to sleep for naps.  Can you relate?  Here is what mom says,

"Hi Tracy! Just wanted to give you an update. Lina is now on day 8 of sleeping through the night. YAY!!! After we got back from our vacation I spent another two days on step 3, I was really nervous to "move out" but one night i just decided it was time. ... Did our bed time routine Said good night and walked out. And that was it. I haven't had to do another thing. No step 5 or 6. It's amazing how it just fell into place. She is now sleeping from 7-7. She does wake up around 5 usually but wines for a minute or two. Finds a soother and goes right back to sleep on her own. Naps also fell into place easily. I am able to put her down awake. She just lays herself down as soon as the lights are out and goes to sleep. Two naps 9-11:30ish and 2:00-3:30ish. I'm flexible with naps and just wait for sleepy cues. Thank you so much for all your help! I am so grateful. I will be back at work in two weeks so this couldn't have come together at a more perfect time. Lina will be starting with a day home on June 23rd so hopefully she will adjust and fall into a good routine.
 Thank you so much.  ...Changed my life!"
We started half way through May and even with disruptions, we got it all together before she goes back to work.  Mission accomplished.   Lina, Welcome to my Sleeping through the night club!


I am a sleep coach.  I help families all over the world with phone and skype consultations.
Tracy Spackman -Certifed Gentle Sleep Coach - 602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com

Call me to get started.
Free 15 minute Sleep Assessment.
602-524-7610

Post by Tracy Spackman.