What's with the 4 month sleep Regression?!

 Many babies increase their waking at night around the 4 the month.  They seem more distracted and sleep goes out the window.

There is tons of brain development going on in their little head. 

The vision changes. Your baby can now see farther away and with all the added detail to her world,  she is more perceptive and therefore more distracted.  

Sleep falls apart and naps are hard to get and often feeding is harder as she is more easily distracted.  

This is when the baby is ready to lean sleep skills. Previous to this, sleep is innate. Either she can do it or she can’t. Sleep self soothing is a learned skill. This skill enables her to relax and organize  her body to sleep when she is tired and it also helps her to better manage her emotions when in stressful situations. This doesn't mean you have to jump into sleep coaching, many parents wait until after 6 months, hoping it will get better all on it's own.  Sometimes it does.  It's all about temperament.

Many parents tell me their child’s temper tantrums stop and their child is more even tempered once they are able to sleep without a sleep crutch. So, your child is reaching this time. It’s very exciting and frustrating at the same time. If you want to do sleep training, it’s still a good idea to wait until 6 months if you are going to follow a book. If you need better sleep now, that’s where I can help. To do something gentle like I do, your baby still needs to be at least 18 weeks old and at least 2 weeks into the more distracted phase of the 4 month sleep regression and you would want to maintain appropriate night feedings as part of your plan. 

Until you have a plan in place that you feel confident in and can be consistent about, keep doing what ever crutch gets you both as much sleep as possible. Swings, nursing, co-sleeping, rocking etc. these are blessings until you are ready for change. Please check out my website www.GetQuietNights.com and read the success stories of parents going through what you are going through.  I have recommended books and a blog on there too. 

I wish someone has explained it to me when my babies were that age.

For sleep consultations, visit www.GetQuietNights.com

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. That means she will teach you how to help your child sleep through the night without doing Cry It Out.

Free 15 min sleep assessments. Call 602-524-7610

What age can you send kids to put themselves to sleep?

It's always a good idea to take your kids to bed instead of sending your kids to bed. 

I was able to make the switch by the time my older children were at the age 10 or 11 years old. Before that, bringing them to bed was the beginning part of some sweet family rituals that prepare them for life success.

For my 2 youngest boys, I helped them brush their teeth and then we moved on to me reminding them to brush their teeth.  I started reading them stories and now, after tucking them in, they read for a short while until it's lights out time.  If I try sending them to bed, they just play, fool around and make a mess. 

I remember an episode of Super Nanny I happen to see and she told that mom she was not helping the situation. The program showed a video of the mom yelling at the kids to go to bed while she watched TV. Over and over again. Of course the kids didn't listen. Super Nanny suggested she "take" them to bed instead. It's a great suggestion for all of us.

Check ups will still be needed after you pass this milestone but it really is fantastic to send them to bed when they are old enough to do it all themselves but it comes after many years of doing it together.

Tracy Spackman is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach in Phoenix Arizona.  Join her Gentle Sleep Support Facebook Group Called "Sleep Sister-Get Quiet Nights"

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

www.GetQuietNights.com

http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

http://getquietnights.blogspot.com/

https://twitter.com/GetQuietNights

Epsom Salts! Can it fix...Acting out, Biting, acting violent...? Or is it sleep deprivation?

Talking with a wise friend today, she shared a great parenting tip. Epsom salts. If you have a child that is acting out, biting, acting violent and you don't know where these behaviors could possibly be coming from, perhaps they are low in magnesium which increases anxiety and causes discomfort in their bodies. She was the 4th friend to tell me she had done this with her children and seen dramatic behavioral improvement.

Epson Salts is Magnesium Sulfate. The body uses Magnesium to keep bones strong and the heart rhythm steady. It also supports the immune system and helps maintain muscle and nerve function. Studies indicate that giving your child take a bath can be part of a comforting routine (with or without adding Epsom salt) which can help improve sleep. Further, it is believed that Epsom salts especially help with stress, circulation and softening the skin. As an added health benefit, the Epsom Salt Council reports that magnesium and sulfates, both important minerals for the body, may be absorbed through the skin. (See Source)

Try giving your child an Epsom salts baths every other day or even every day and see if it improves the behavior.  Soak for 10-15 minutes.  Just get the no-name brand from the drugstore. It's very cheap. 

Edible sources of Magnesium include All-Bran cereal, nuts, soymilk, edamame, spinach, oatmeal, black and other beans, whole wheat bread, yogurt, brown rice, bananas, milk, raisins, avocado, halibut.  

 This is not the first time I have heard this great tip. So I'm passing on to you.

 Another common reason for this type of behavior is sleep deprivation.  If you need to improve your child's sleep, please give me a call.  Sleep consultations done in person or over the phone.

Contact me for a consultation today.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

http://getquietnights.com/2014/06/epsom-salts-can-it-fix-acting-out-biting-acting-violent/

Sources:  

http://www.babycenter.com/0_magnesium-in-your-childs-diet_10324694.bc, http://www.livestrong.com/article/289405-why-shouldnt-children-have-epsom-salt-baths/

Post by Quiet Nights Sleep Coaching Services.

Post by Tracy Spackman.

Does teaching babies to sleep in the dark spoil their chances of being able to fall/stay asleep in dim or lit environments later in life?

No. That is a common misconception.

If your baby is able to sleep in loud, bright places- fantastic, you have an easier baby than some others. It's fine. If you struggle to get your baby to sleep, that is a different story. A baby sleeps easier in a completely dark room. Just like adults. Especially after the vision changes and they can see farther across the room. The lights from a night light, window, baby monitor are all distracting and stimulating..."What's that bright thing?" Moms who notice the baby is staring at them through the monitor, that baby is captivated by the little light on the camera. Once your baby is a good sleeper, then you can introduce more challenging sleep situations. They are likely going to be much more flexible. Nights and Naps are different and one can never get it as dark for a nap as you can for the night but any darker that you can get it, is likely going to help. Your body has a circadian rhythm, (a clock) which drives the need for sleep.  It is reset each day by light exposure starting around 4 months old. It's essential that we experience a regular light dark cycle in order to maintain appropriate sleep at night.  That's not saying we need to nap in the light.  During daytime waking hours, be in the light starting with light exposure first thing.  During naps and night time, stay in the dark. This means that if your baby wakes up at night, try to keep him in the dark or very low light.

Erin Flynn-Evans (PhD in sleep and circadian physiology) says "the bright daytime sun is quite able to invade a napping child’s room during the day. There isn’t a circadian need to have a dark room during the day, however, in order to avoid an inappropriately short nap it is absolutely key that a napping child’s room is cool, dark and quiet. A dark room can mean the difference between a 30 minute nap and a two hour nap. If your child only gets a 30 minute nap, but really needs a two hour nap, everyone will pay the price. An unrested child will have more difficulty going to sleep at night, will wake up more frequently during the night, and will exhibit negative behaviors such as crankiness and inappropriate reactions to situations while awake."

A dark room helps your baby sleep longer.  Once your baby has good sleep skills, they are likely going to be more flexible to unusual situations like hotel rooms, air planes, and restaurants.  I have seen this happen over and over again.  A mom tells me her child won't sleep longer than 30 minutes.  The first thing I want to know is where the baby is napping?  Often the answer is in a playpen or a swing in the living room.  TV on, toddler playing nearby.  I suggest she try putting the play pen or the swing in the baby's room where it is dark and quiet and see if that helps.  It usually does.  That may not be all she needs to do but it's a good start.  

You nap and sleep better in a dark, quiet room.  It's the same for your baby.

I believe in using evidenced based methods that are gentle and backed by science.  If you need sleep help, sleep consultations offered in person and over the phone.  Contact me for a free 15 min sleep assessment.  I work with families with babies over 4 months old.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Tenacious, spirited, alert babies grow up to be smart, driven, go-getters.

Tenacious, spirited, alert babies grow up to be smart, driven, go-getters. 

Meet my son Christian. Frequent night waking until sleep trained around 13 months old. (I waited so long and was at the end of my rope). I wish I had known then what I know now as a gentle sleep coach. I needed a sleep coach. Someone to tell me how to help him sleep.

Now that he's 13 years old he is still very spirited and needs an outlet for all his energy. (Football and other sports help a lot). He taught himself to play the guitar while taking piano lessons and doing band at school. His tenaciousness proved to be a good thing as he was determined to find his lost capo (a guitar tool) so he could help me with a song parody I'm making up about whining bedtime toddlers based on the song 'Last Friday Night' by Katy Perry- or rather it's a parody of the mine craft version 'Don't Mine at night'. My song is called 'Don't Whine at Night'. Well Christian couldn't play it without his capo and just wouldn't give up looking for it. Today was day 4 of his search for it. Today he was looking behind furniture, on tops of book shelves, in pick up baskets and all the weird places. He finally found it. Now we can work on my parody. I can make up songs but I don't play any instruments. 

My spirited, energetic children are true blessings. It's just hard to get past the sleep challenges they have as babies and children. Now I can help you with that and I can relate to all that you are going through. I've been there. 

www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights
Tracy Spackman
602-524-7610
Free 15 minute sleep assessment for sleep deprived parents of sleep deprived babies and children. 
Text me, call me, contact me through my website. www.GetQuietNights.com

Post by Tracy Spackman.

It's ok to ask for help, Even I need help from my Athletic son with exercise...

I'm the first to admit that it's "OK" to ask for help.  With sleep training, potty training, even personal training.

This week I asked my 13 year old son to be my personal trainer. (I need some serious help) I told him I would give him $10 if he could get me to work out 15 min a day 5 days each week. Each consecutive week,  I would increase it by $1.  It was hard for me to ask him for help but he really knows his stuff.   He's almost 14 and starting high school freshman football. The Cross Country Running Coach was disappointed he wasn't doing High School Running.  All my boys are Athletic.

My Son woke me up at 5:45am and told me I had to be outside by 6. He only had until 6:30 to get out the door to go to his own work out club. He had already been up and was ready for school.  I got a "Dramatic Wake Up".  He slammed the mattress by my head with his fist.  It's a good thing I was already rousing or it would have made me fall out of bed.  I had to laugh at myself all through the work out as he told me to jog around the lawn 3 times to warm up (it was already 78 degress outside) and do side sit ups etc.  I had previously had him research how to use the TRX (Tension Resistance eXercise) thing I had and we have a bunch of free weights, skipping rope, yoga mats etc.  He had 7-10 exercises for me to do switching me between types of exercises that he encouraged me through (through my laughing) and I may be a little sore tomorrow.  I may get a flatter tummy yet.  Today was day 1.

Yesterday I asked my 15 year old daughter if she would work out with me.  She agreed right away but then I told her who my personal trainer was...her little brother (who has been beating her at almost everything lately-piano playing, sports, marks, but not singing--She rocks the vocal talent)  She still agreed to work out with us.  It'll be good for both of us and I love we are doing it together.  She's not laughing and wants me to take it more seriously. She'll be good for me, too.


What do you need  help with.  Go ahead and ask.  I can't believe it took me this long to ask for help.  I have been trying to fix my tummy on my own for years.  (5 kids is a lot of tummy troubles to overcome)
I hope you don't wait as long as I did to get a knowledgeable person to walk and encourage you through the information and to get  a plan in place to fix what is bothering you.  Sleep.  Weight.  Potty Training.  Cooking.  Nutrition.  Sometimes a YouTube video just isn't enough.

If you need sleep help, call me.  Free 15 minute initial sleep assessment with me.
I am a trained and certified Gentle Sleep Coach and I won't tell you to Cry It Out. I want to help you get your child sleeping through the night.
Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Moving to a new house this summer? Worried your child will be scared of their new room?

Any change in a child's sleep environment can effect sleep.  It's so important to keep things consistent, especially if they are just learning to master sleep skills.  For example, if you use white noise (which I love), turn it on when your child starts falling asleep.  Then continue to play it all night.  If it goes off after 45 minutes like in the super cute sleep sheep, then when they wake up between sleep cycles --(Which is totally normal and is never going to change) ... so when they wake up between sleep cycles, the white noise will still be there.  If it's not, it's a change in their environment that they will likely notice and find disconcerting.  Can there really be such a thing as too quiet?  For some babies, yes.

Moving to a new house with a new room for the baby is a big change in the sleep environment.  Be sure to clearly label all the boxes containing the baby stuff so it's easy to find.  The baby's room is the first room you set up. (Even before the kitchen)  Let your baby hang out with you while you do it or even let them "help".

Put your baby's recently used sheets (so they smell like her old room) back on her bed and play a few games of airplane with her bed being the landing field.  Make this clearly a play time and not a plop her in bed time.  Spend enough time in her room to help her get used to it and make it look like her room as much as you can.  Hang the black out blinds or curtains so the late setting summer sun doesn't make bedtime harder.

If your child is slow to handle change, consider camping out in her room to offer her reassurance that you haven't left her in a strange place.  Some children need you to go through a few steps of your sleep coaching routine again to help them adjust and others surprise you by how easily they make the change.

It's important to catch your child's sleep window so you don't have overtired stress compounding on new room stress.  The familiar smelling sheets, the close proximity to parents, the usual teddy bear or special blanket, the soothing calm of darkness and a predictable bedtime routine can help make this a smooth transition.

If the kids are sleeping well, it's much more likely the parents are sleeping well, too.  ...Unless you stay up all night setting up the kitchen.

Do you need a sleep plan?  Call me for help with sleep issues for Sleeping through the night, napping consistently, or bedtime battles.  Free 15 minutes for new inquiry's.  Just call and leave a message.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

One Eye on the Baby, One Eye on the Clock? How long can Baby stay awake? I need sleep!

I love to use technology to make life easier!  Who doesn't?!  Have you thought about using your smart phone timer to think LESS about your baby timing?  Let me explain.

Your baby has a period of time that he can stay awake.  I call that the wakeful window.  A 2-5 month old baby likely has a 90 minute wakeful window.  He wakes up, 90 minutes later he is ready for a nap.  He sleeps for 30, 45, 60 or even more.  Then 90 minutes later he is ready for another nap.  His wakeful window is 90 minutes and constantly changing depending on how long he slept and how much older he grows.  It may be as short as 60 minutes after a short cat nap or as long as 2 hours after a solid sleep.  Around 6 months it's typically 2 hours between sleeps all day.  Around 9 months it may be 3 hours during the day but 4 hours from the end of the 2nd nap to bedtime.

So back to our 2-5 month old scenario.  You may be trying to figure out what your baby's wakeful window is so you can catch their ideal nap time--the sleep window.  (I'm glad I don't have to clean all these windows.) By catching the sleep window, and putting him to bed before he gets overtired, you avoid the Cortisol rush that comes with missing the sleep window and  messes with the overall sleep ability.

Here is my simple idea.  Set the alarm or timer on your smart phone for 59-60 minutes when he wakes up.  Don't worry about catching the sleep window until the timer buzzes in your pocket.  Then keep snoozing the timer until you see his sleep cues.  Once you see his sleep cues, put him to bed.  So instead of watching all the time for the sleep cues, just do it for the 10-20 minutes after the first hour of wakefulness.  Notice how cute he is instead for the first hour.  One eye on your baby, one eye on the clock...but after and hour of fun.

But what about night sleep?  Aim for 12 hours at night after 4 months. (Including wake ups.)  If he wakes at 6am, aim for a bedtime of 6pm.  Catching his sleep window for all his naps can make night sleep easier.  Go ahead and use your crutches for naps.  Motion sleep or nursing to sleep is better than no sleep.  Sleep begets sleep.  A good nap day makes for a better night's sleep.  At 4 months things may be getting a little crazy so do what ever it takes to get the sleep.  Soon, he will be old enough to learn serious sleep skills.

For sleep plans and sleep advice, call me.  Free 15 minutes for new inquiry's.
Tracy Spackman
Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Toddler Testing you at bedtime?

Here is a scenario I get all the time:

"Hi Tracy, I wanted to give you an update. She is doing very well with her sleep. She is sleeping right through the night now and has been doing so for a few months now. She was doing really great:  when we put her to bed, I would shut the door and walk away and she would put herself to sleep within a few minutes.  The last month however, she has deviated from this pattern.  Not sure what has happened because nothing has changed but now she keeps asking for ‘last’ hugs and kisses, or wants me to sing to her and freaks if I shut the door. She also wants me to sit outside the door and she keeps calling my name so I have to keep shushing her. If I shut the door and leave she gets so upset that she eventually throws up. Any advice? Once she falls asleep she sleeps right through the night, but getting her to sleep is becoming a long, drawn-out process."

This Toddler is Two!  She is probably testing you. That happens at this age as her brain develops.  Expect it again and with greater intensity around 2.5 years old.  This is probably where the label of “terrible twos” came from.  

She is expressing herself and testing the limits.  Mind you, this doesn't mean there shouldn't be limits.  She is trying to figure out what these limits are.  Be consistent when you say “no” and only say it when you mean to follow through.  All the extra kisses and requests can be put to an end by your consistency.

Offer to talk about more bedtime choices in the morning.  We certainly don't want her stress levels climbing so high she throws up, so consider going through your previous bedtime coaching again to help her get back on track.  That's what coaching is for.

Instead of giving in to her bedtime delay tactics, give her other areas to control:  which PJ's to wear, perhaps, or which story to read, which bubble bath.  Offer her choices even if the 2 options are the same:  Pull out two packs of fruit snacks or 2 apples, for example, and let her pick which one--even though they are exactly the same, it gives her something to have power over.  Be consistent about not doing extra things after your final “three things” at bedtime.  

This is also a good age at which to length the “wind-down” so start your routine a little earlier to fit in an extra snuggle with your story.  But… once you start your “final three”, they do absolutely need to be final.  I like “story, song, Kisses” as my “final three”.  Feel free to put anything you like before those, but when it's time to say good night, be consistent.   That may mean walking out, that may mean sitting in a chair or on the floor or standing by the door, depending on the method you are using.  Just don't get stuck at that step.  Do a bit less each night and fade out your support as fast or as slow as your child needs.

At bedtime, go through the motions of your responsive bedtime coaching again.  That gives you a gentle and responsive way to respond in a consistent manner without getting stuck.  You will be able to reinforce your bedtime routine's "end".

If you need help with a bedtime method to help your child sleep, call me.  That's what I do!
Tracy Spackman
Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Bedtime Snacks: Do you think the food children eat before they go to bed affects their sleep!?

QUESTION: 

Monica Asked…

“Do you think the food children eat before they go to bed affects their sleep!?  What are good examples of snacks before bed?”

ANSWER:

Absolutely! Milk right before bed increases the need to pee at night. Truly! Choose water instead if  you are beyond the age where night time calories are still needed. (That's a whole other topic! lol)

Some children react strongly with gas to dark green veggies like broccoli.  I know they are so good for you (highest protein per calorie than any other food) but it just takes time to adjust to that type of food. But it's good to know the cause of the discomfort.

The more obvious things to avoid are; caffeine (6-7 hours before bedtime), so… no coffee (isn’t that a no-bainer?) and chocolate and sugar, large meals or large fluid intake before bed, foods containing MSG, Foods containing large amounts of the amino acid tyrosine (foods with yeast, aged cheese, fermented products, cold milk).  This is getting very detailed and technical.

Also avoid eating protein close to bedtime. If you or your child is needing a light snack before bed that will aid sleep, choose things like; cashews, eggs, cottage cheese, chicken, turkey, warm milk, cereal, pasta, bread/crackers, grains, pancakes waffles, bananas and starchy vegetables. (This list does not take into account possible food sensitivities, Another whole other topic.)

Avoid sugary snacks and eating too close to bedtime.

Stock up on Almonds, raw almond butter, apples, bananas, berry jam, blueberries, carrots, cashews, celery, cottage cheese, string cheese, free-range chicken, cinnamon, eggs, flaxseed, frozen yogurt, grapefruit, halibut, hazelnuts, kale, lemons, lentils, mixed greens, oats, olive oil, oranges, pumpkin seeds, salmon, shitake mushrooms, low-fat soy milk, strawberries, tofu, ground turkey, whole-grain bread, whole wheat pastry flour, white or brown basmati rice, yogurt.

I wish I could say I came up with this all on my own but I find the best answers to the questions I don’t know off the top of my head.  I got it partly from Andrea Strang from Kindersleep.com who I work with doing sleep consulting for and she credited Health Solutions for Sleep, Dr. James Rouse & Sleep Naturally, Stephen Holt, M.D.

DIY Wake Up Lights

Wake up Lights-Great Question for Do It Yourselfers

Jessie Krefting (mother of 2 challenging sleepers) asked...
"Hi Tracy, Is there a way to make a sleep clock instead of buying one so that it doesn't interfere with Reese's cave-like room?"
Answer:
Yes. Dark rooms are best and many wake up lights you buy have a light that is on all night. You can make one yourself. Use any small lamp that you have and use a small green bulb like an outdoor Christmas light or a chandelier light bulb. If the base of the bulb is too small for your lamp, you can get an adapter piece to screw into the lamp that changes the base size. Plug the lamp in to the wall through an appliance timer like you would use for Christmas lights and set it to go on at the wake up time like 6am or 7am. If you can use a green bulb, you can teach your child that green means go! Talk about the light at bedtime and again in the morning to reinforce what you expect. Everything you need you may have at home already or can be found for low cost at your local home hardware store.

If you need sleep help, give me a call.  I create personalize sleep plans to help children sleep though the night without using Cry It Out.
Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com

"Blanket Races" Help Children Sleep Through the Night

I get great Questions on my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights and here is the last one.
Great Question:  Tracy, when can babies sleep without the sleep sack? When is it safe to switch to a blanket? It's starting to resemble spring here and hopefully allow for open windows soon.

My Answer:  Usually around the time they switch to a toddler bed after 2.5 years old or when they can pull the blanket up over themselves on their own after 2. Sleep sacks come in all weights and sizes and prevent babies from getting a leg up to climb out of their cribs as they get more adventurous.

A fun way to teach a child to pull up their blankets is to do "Blanket Races" It's a game I made up. You and your child lay on the floor covered in a blanket. (Each your own blanket) On Your Mark, get set, GO! Kick off the blankets. Mark, get set, GO! Pull them back on. On Your Mark, get set, GO! Kick off the blankets. Mark, get set, GO! Pull them back on.   Repeat.  The Mom or Dad races the child to get the blankets back on the fastest and usually ends in a lot of giggles. This game can help your child develop the muscle memory to pull up their blankets in the night in their sleepy state when they wake up between sleep cycles if they have kicked them off.  Don't do it right before bed at night as it will get you both all riled up.  It's better as an afternoon or morning game.

I need to get someone to make me a video of this blanket race game.  Any takers?  Send your video to me at Tracy@TracySpackman.com
www.GetQuietNights.com  602-524-7610