4 year old keeps waking up at 5:30 am, what we can do to get her to sleep in?

Great Question:
My 4 year old daughter keeps waking up at 5:30 am no matter what we do... with a daytime nap, no nap.... (which is unbearable) she still wakes up too early.
We have black out curtains, noise machine.... and she still wakes up like clockwork. Oh and to add her bedtime is at 8 pm.... any tips on what we can do to get her to sleep in??

Answer:
She has sleep skills.  We helped her with sleep skills when she was 7 months old. So this is a typical age thing.  Talk about it with her a lot. If she seems tired from not getting a long enough night, point out her cranky and frustrated feelings when you see them. Point out to her that those feelings are from loosing sleep and sleeping later will help.  

I had to do this when my 5 year old was having temper-tantrums and meltdowns after school when he had to do a little kindergarten homework.  Writing a sentence was too stressful. He learned to recognize those feelings of frustration only happened on days he didn't get enough sleep.

An easy support tool is clear signal light. You can put an appliance timer on a lamp and set it to come on a specific time. Like a wake up light. Ask her to stay in her bed until the light comes on.  Start with it set for 5:45. Then increase it as she is successful. 

When she wakes, if she gets out of bed, bring her back to bad and sit with her quietly until the light comes on and then make a big deal about it. (Do a very Dramatic wake up).
I hope this helps. 

Tracy Spackman

Learn more about Tracy Spackman's child supportive sleep consulting at GetQuietNights.com.
Call her for a free sleep assessment.

What age can you send kids to put themselves to sleep?

It's always a good idea to take your kids to bed instead of sending your kids to bed. 

I was able to make the switch by the time my older children were at the age 10 or 11 years old. Before that, bringing them to bed was the beginning part of some sweet family rituals that prepare them for life success.

For my 2 youngest boys, I helped them brush their teeth and then we moved on to me reminding them to brush their teeth.  I started reading them stories and now, after tucking them in, they read for a short while until it's lights out time.  If I try sending them to bed, they just play, fool around and make a mess. 

I remember an episode of Super Nanny I happen to see and she told that mom she was not helping the situation. The program showed a video of the mom yelling at the kids to go to bed while she watched TV. Over and over again. Of course the kids didn't listen. Super Nanny suggested she "take" them to bed instead. It's a great suggestion for all of us.

Check ups will still be needed after you pass this milestone but it really is fantastic to send them to bed when they are old enough to do it all themselves but it comes after many years of doing it together.

Tracy Spackman is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach in Phoenix Arizona.  Join her Gentle Sleep Support Facebook Group Called "Sleep Sister-Get Quiet Nights"

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

www.GetQuietNights.com

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http://getquietnights.blogspot.com/

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What's the perfect bedtime?

How do you know when to put your child to bed?

It depends on the age, the nap, and the wake up time and more.  I often speak about the "Anticipated Bedtime" and catching the sleep window.  I could talk your ear off about this topic.

In a nut shell, here is a general guide-line but defiantly not written in stone:

• 4 months-6-7 but may still be unpredictable.  (4th month is crazy)
• 5 months Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 90 minutes after the last nap
• 6 months-Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 2 hrs after the last nap
• 9 months-Around 7pm or 12-13 hrs after wake up and 3-4 hrs after last nap 
• 12 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 18 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 2 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4-5 hrs after nap 
• 2.5-4 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and it's much more unpredictable  of a time frame after the last nap.

Other things to watch for are the child's natural behaviors that let you know they are tired. Yawning and eye rubbing are late sleep cues.  Watching for late sleep cues works more for Easier temperamented children and less for Alert children.  

Other things to watch for are:

Zoning out

Staring off into space

Glassy Eyes

Disinterest

Fist clenching

Eye Squinting

Red tinge to skin around eye brows and eyes

Slowing down

Clumsy

Clingy

Lay on the floor for a moment

When picked up they-head on your shoulder

There may be other unique cues that you will notice before the Yawning and Eye Rubbing 

If you see a burst of energy after Yawning and Eye rubbing, you just missed the sleep window. So keep one eye on your baby and one eye on the clock.

Here is my simple idea.  Set the alarm or timer on your smart phone for 2-3.5 hours when he wakes up. (Depending on the age)  Don't worry about catching the sleep window until the timer buzzes in your pocket.  Then keep snoozing the timer until you see his sleep cues.  Once you see his sleep cues, put him to bed.  So instead of watching all the time for the sleep cues, just do it for the 10-20 minutes around the end of the expected wakefulness.  Notice how cute he is instead  of going crazy watching for sleep cues.  One eye on your baby, one eye on the clock...but after the right amount of fun.

For sleep plans and sleep advice, call me.  Free 15 minutes for sleep deprived parents.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Is your toddler climbing out of the crib?

Is your toddler climbing out of the crib?  Is he losing sleep and up all nap-time or all night, forcing you to keep bringing him back to bed? Are you thinking of transitioning to a bed instead?

Hold that thought!

The important question is: Is he still younger than 2.5 years?  There is a level of cognitive development needed to comprehend more complex concepts like..."Stay In Bed!"  Most children under 2.5 aren't quite there yet, and so moving them to a toddler bed starts a whole new onslaught of problem with your child getting out of bed and coming to you in the night, or worse yet, wandering around the house in the middle of the night while you are sleeping.

First, try these tips borrowed from some very creative Moms trying to keep their toddlers from climbing out of their cribs.  This is assuming you have already put the mattress on the lowest setting.

1. Dress them in a PJ night shirt that goes all the way to their feet.  This can help prevent them from getting that all-important leg up.

2. Put them in a sleep sack.  That also can help prevent them from getting a leg up.  Some mom's have sewn the bottom to be a little more narrow for added effect.  And yes, they do make sleep sacks in toddler sizes!

3. Sew the legs together of their sleeper.  This makes it extremely hard to get that leg up.

4. Drop the bottom out of your crib altogether to make the rail higher. Fill in the bottom with boards.  Make it secure with screws.  Be sure it is solid and Safe. Don't be afraid to hire a professional carpenter for help with this tip.  I found a blog post about creating a dropped mattress crib modification here.

Or add a piece to the top if that's easier. Here is what another creative family did.

If you are determined to take him from the crib and use a bed instead, and if he continues to get up in the night, you can try a gentle sleep plan.  That still may not give you 100% success of keeping him in bed all night if he just isn't ready.  Putting a tall gate at the door and clearing the room of climbable furniture and distracting toys would be like turning the whole room into one big crib and there, they would be safe all night.

If you have forgone the crib all together and are sleeping on a floor mattress with your child, that works too.

Everyone needs sleep to be healthy and productive.

Tracy Spackman is a gentle sleep coach living in Phoenix, Arizona and she is helping families get better sleep all over the world.  To set up a consultation, go to www.GetQuietNights.com.

Tracy Spackman
www.GetQuietNights.com
602-524-7610
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

What's with the 4 month sleep disaster?

Sleep Question:  Tracy Spackman, my DD was a decent sleeper up until about the 4 ish month stage. Now at 5 months, she has a harder time falling asleep now, and only naps for very short periods during the day, why?

Yes, around the 4 the month, there is tons of brain development. Like the vision changes.  It's actually very exciting for her. Your baby can now see farther away and with all the added detail to her world,  she is more perceptive and therefore more distractable. Think of it as a sleep progression rather than a sleep regression. (Just semantics) Sleep falls apart and wake ups may happen every 1-3 hours, and naps may be hard to get and often feeding is harder as she is more easily distracted.  This is when the baby's sleep is becoming a little more like adult sleep and may be ready or getting close to being ready to lean sleep skills. A little tip to help with the distracted eating is to nurse (or feed in your arms) making eye contact and facing a blank wall away from other distractions.  Put a light blanket over the two of you like a tent if necessary to block stimulation.

That doesn't mean you need to do sleep training now. But some gentle sleep coaching or sleep shaping can help.  Previous to this, sleep is innate. Either she can do it or she can't. Sleep self soothing is a learned skill. This skill enables her to relax and organize  her body to sleep when she is tired and it also helps her to better manage her emotions when in stressful situations. After sleep coaching older children, many parents tell me their child's temper tantrums stop and their child is more even tempered once they are able to sleep without a sleep crutch. So, your child is reaching this time. It's very exciting and frustrating at the same time. If you want to do sleep coaching, it's still a good idea to wait until 6 months if you are going to follow a book.

If you need better sleep NOW, that's where I can help. To do something gentle like I do, your baby still needs to be at least 18 weeks old and at least 2 weeks into the more distracted phase of the 4 month sleep regression and you would want to have appropriate night feedings as part of your plan. Until you have a plan in place that you feel confident in and can be consistent about, keep doing what ever crutch gets you both as much sleep as possible. Swings, nursing, co-sleeping, rocking etc. these are blessings until you are ready for change.  Cry It Out isn't the only option.

Other things you can do right now are:
1.  Catch the sleep window.
2.  Try gentle white noise or rain or fan sounds.
3.  Reduce the stimuli in bed like mobiles and light.
4. Try putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake but this doesn't work for everyone.

You may want to check out my website www.GetQuietNights.com and read the success stories of parents going through what you are going through.  I have recommended books and a blog on there too. And if you are going crazy, call me for a gentle sleep consultation.  I wish someone had explained it to me when my babies were that age.

For sleep consultations, visit www.GetQuietNights.com

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. That means she will teach you how to help your child sleep through the night without doing Cry It Out. You have gentle options.

Free 15 min sleep assessments. Call 602-524-7610
Invite your friends to Join my Facebook group "Sleep Sisters"