I'm home from the hospital with my new baby, now what?

Live like you're on vacation!

Live like you're on vacation or the first month after having a baby.

Limit the house work that you do.  You won't regret it.

Limit the laundry that you do, pretend that you're going to a hotel and live out of a suitcase.

Simplify meals. Eat off of paper plates.  Accept offers from people to bring you meals. Make dinner in the morning when you're less tired and put it in the crockpot. Get creative with some takeout. Try that  roasted chicken from the grocery store with some pre-made mashed potatoes and  salads from the deli. Take advantage of those grocery store short cuts.

Keep food ready to go. Keep a jug of smoothie or ready-made sandwich or pasta salad in the refrigerator. This way you can make sure you're eating well as you help your new baby eat well. You are going to be hungry.

Try to minimize entertainment activities and visitation for the first month. At one month old, your baby will still look very new and wonderful for people to come over and admire your baby and take pictures; after breast-feeding has been firmly established. For the visitors who absolutely must see your baby right away, try to limit those visits at least a few days apart. Post pictures and updates on Facebook. Leave a message on your front door that you and your baby are getting to know each other.

This is not the time for home projects like redoing your kitchen or new landscaping. You and your partner will want to take the time to learn to read your baby’s hunger and tired cues.  Your project has just arrived and you all need to get to know each other, bond, and enjoy this time.

Delay worrying about thank you cards. No one is holding their breath for thank you cards for all the wonderful gifts that you have been given, 6-8 weeks out is just fine.

Getting enough sleep is very important so nap when your baby is napping or have one of your close friends or relatives take your baby out for an hour so you can take a nap if you are unable to nap comfortably with your baby nearby.

Create a snack station with water and snacks, nursing supplies and burp cloths in a comfortable place where you can sit back, relax, snack, watch a movie, feed your baby, write in your journal, post on Facebook, read a great book or listen to audio books to keep both hands free for baby. 

It's totally fine to stay in your pajamas all day and rent movies and get your favorite take out and just relax and focus on breast-feeding and establishing a good breast-feeding connection with your baby. Think of it as a nesting time. A vacation from all the other parts of your life.

It's OK to stop your life for a month and focus on your new baby and breast-feeding.  Your baby will be a year old before you know it.

If nursing becomes a challenge, talk to your lactation consultant.  It’s normal to ask for help.

This is not the time to worry about sleep training.  Don’t worry about bad habits.  In the first 6 months, there are no bad sleep habits when you are meeting the needs of your baby.  

When nursing is a priority for you, give it the focus that is needed.  I wish you all the best.

Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

Gentle Sleep Coaching - Teaching you how to get your kids to sleep.

www.GetQuietNights.com

www.Facebook.com/QuietNights

www.GetQuietNights.blogspot.com 

www.Twitter.com/GetQuietNights

www.Facebook.com/groups/SleepSistersGetQuietNights.com

Tired one Minute, Ready to Play the Next! What's with that?

 Is your baby tired one minute, ready to play the next! 

What's up with that?    

                                      

Congratulations, You have just missed the sleep window.  This blue eyed baby had these two pictures taken just a minute a part.  She is 6 months old and she is very alert.  It is hard to catch her sleep window because her overtired state (Cortisol Rush) comes right on the heels of Yawning and Eye rubbing, or in other words, the obvious tired signs. It's just not fair!  One minute you see that she's tired, then she is ready to play again. 

Here's what you can do.  

First, try to catch the early tired signs.  

Do you know what those are?

I ran a pole in my "Sleep Sisters-Get Quiet Nights"  Facebook group of Early Tired Signs that the mom's had observed in their babies. 

They Mentioned:

Zoning out

Staring off into space

Disinterest

Disengaging

Glassy eyes

Blinking more slowly

Clumsy (Toddlers)

Scrunching up their face

Clenching their fists

Grunting or Grizzing

Laying their head on the floor

Crawling over for a hug

Putting their head on mom's shoulder

Pulling Ears or Hair

Red Around the eyes or eyebrows (this can be an early or a late sign)

Hands get warm (this was the first time I had heard of this unique sleep cue) 

Early Tired signs can be VERY hard to catch. They are more subtle and may only last for a moment. If you see an early tired sign, put your baby to bed even if it only lasts a minute and your baby seems happy to keep playing and stay up.  Your baby has entered the sleep window and you just saw the opening act.  The closing act (yawing and eye rubbing) you want to happen after her head is on the mattress if you have an Alert baby like this one.  

If you can not see the early tired signs, no matter how hard you try, that does NOT mean that you aren't a good mom.  That happens all the time.  Especially if you have an alert, smart, spirited baby.  That would be like feeling guilty for not knowing what every cry means.  Tired, Hungry, Overstimulated, Poopy, Bored, etc.  (Oh wait, you do feel guilty about that?)  No need to feel guilty about that.  Throw that guilt out the window.  Many babies don't have the range of crying for all the different things, and mom's may not have the sensitive hearing it takes to distinguish the cries or the life experience to tell the difference.  Not your fault.  Your effort is enough.  Here is a cheat sheet for Fussy Signs you can't Identify.  Print it out and stick it to your refrigerator. 

A Sleep Deprived Parent's Cheat Sheet for Guessing 

Why She's Crying

So here is a trick to help you figure out the sleep window when early sleep cues are not obvious. 

Make a timeline of your sleep. 

• Wake up time. 
• Early tired signs (See the above list)
• Late tired signs. (Yawning, eye rubbing) 
• Cortisol rush (Burst of Energy)

Now figure out how long your wakeful window is. And How long your sleep window is. If you can't figure out how long your wakeful window is, look at the time difference between wake up and cortisol rush. Now subtract 15 minutes from that time. That's how long your wakeful window is. That's when you should have been seeing early tired signs. It can be hard to see those early tired signs. Especially with alert children.

For babies 6-9 months the wakeful windows are often 2 hours long so naps are 2 hours apart. We call this a 2-2-2-2 schedule. The 2 represents a wakeful window. 

For babies 9-18 months the wakeful windows are more like 2-3-4. Wake up, then two hours of wakefulness. Have a nap then three hours of wakefulness. Then have an afternoon nap and then 4 hours of awake time, then it's bedtime. 

I call this a 2-3-4 schedule. 

For toddlers 17 months to 2 years old, the first nap gets dropped and it's more of a 6-4 schedule. Wake up, awake for 6 hours, then nap. Then up to 4 hours and then it's bedtime. 

For toddlers over 2 years old, the wakeful windows are much less predictable so watch for the early tired signs. 

Remember, It's your effort and responsiveness that makes you a good parent.  Not the number of perfect days you have. 

Tracy Spackman is Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

www.GetQuietNights.com

602-524-7610

What's with the 4 month sleep Regression?!

 Many babies increase their waking at night around the 4 the month.  They seem more distracted and sleep goes out the window.

There is tons of brain development going on in their little head. 

The vision changes. Your baby can now see farther away and with all the added detail to her world,  she is more perceptive and therefore more distracted.  

Sleep falls apart and naps are hard to get and often feeding is harder as she is more easily distracted.  

This is when the baby is ready to lean sleep skills. Previous to this, sleep is innate. Either she can do it or she can’t. Sleep self soothing is a learned skill. This skill enables her to relax and organize  her body to sleep when she is tired and it also helps her to better manage her emotions when in stressful situations. This doesn't mean you have to jump into sleep coaching, many parents wait until after 6 months, hoping it will get better all on it's own.  Sometimes it does.  It's all about temperament.

Many parents tell me their child’s temper tantrums stop and their child is more even tempered once they are able to sleep without a sleep crutch. So, your child is reaching this time. It’s very exciting and frustrating at the same time. If you want to do sleep training, it’s still a good idea to wait until 6 months if you are going to follow a book. If you need better sleep now, that’s where I can help. To do something gentle like I do, your baby still needs to be at least 18 weeks old and at least 2 weeks into the more distracted phase of the 4 month sleep regression and you would want to maintain appropriate night feedings as part of your plan. 

Until you have a plan in place that you feel confident in and can be consistent about, keep doing what ever crutch gets you both as much sleep as possible. Swings, nursing, co-sleeping, rocking etc. these are blessings until you are ready for change. Please check out my website www.GetQuietNights.com and read the success stories of parents going through what you are going through.  I have recommended books and a blog on there too. 

I wish someone has explained it to me when my babies were that age.

For sleep consultations, visit www.GetQuietNights.com

Tracy Spackman is a certified gentle sleep coach. That means she will teach you how to help your child sleep through the night without doing Cry It Out.

Free 15 min sleep assessments. Call 602-524-7610

What age can you send kids to put themselves to sleep?

It's always a good idea to take your kids to bed instead of sending your kids to bed. 

I was able to make the switch by the time my older children were at the age 10 or 11 years old. Before that, bringing them to bed was the beginning part of some sweet family rituals that prepare them for life success.

For my 2 youngest boys, I helped them brush their teeth and then we moved on to me reminding them to brush their teeth.  I started reading them stories and now, after tucking them in, they read for a short while until it's lights out time.  If I try sending them to bed, they just play, fool around and make a mess. 

I remember an episode of Super Nanny I happen to see and she told that mom she was not helping the situation. The program showed a video of the mom yelling at the kids to go to bed while she watched TV. Over and over again. Of course the kids didn't listen. Super Nanny suggested she "take" them to bed instead. It's a great suggestion for all of us.

Check ups will still be needed after you pass this milestone but it really is fantastic to send them to bed when they are old enough to do it all themselves but it comes after many years of doing it together.

Tracy Spackman is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach in Phoenix Arizona.  Join her Gentle Sleep Support Facebook Group Called "Sleep Sister-Get Quiet Nights"

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

602-524-7610

Tracy@GetQuietNights.com

www.GetQuietNights.com

http://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

http://getquietnights.blogspot.com/

https://twitter.com/GetQuietNights

6 Things That Cause Early Rising

Early Rising is one of the most frustrating parts of  Baby and Toddler Sleeping Issues.  You have put great effort into helping your child learn sleep skills and even though they are generally sleeping through the night, the early rising is slowly killing you. (I'm being just a little dramatic)

Early Rising is when the baby or toddler wakes and can't get back to sleep well before you are ready to wake up and start your day.  More technically, it's likely before 6am.  The body's sleep cycles are different in those early hours and it's harder to get back to sleep anyway.

Here are the things that typically cause Early Rising and once you have identified the cause, you can work on the solution.

      1.   Lack of day sleep.  Your child's body has a period of time it can stay awake and when she runs out of energy, she has a sleep window.  If she is not falling asleep by the end of the sleep window, her body produces a hormone called cortisol.  This is the stress hormone.  The fight or flight hormone reaction.  It gives you an adrenaline like burst of energy.  It's hard to go to sleep for her nap with that pumping through her system and it stays in your system for a while, messing with naps and night sleep.  Often causing early rising.

2.  Too late bedtime.  Similar to Lack of day sleep, missing your bedtime sleep window also causes a rush of cortisol and its residual affect can cause early rising.

3.   Lack of sleep skills from going to bed too drowsy at bedtime. If you used a sleep crutch at bedtime, like rocking or nursing or holding to sleep, your baby didn't get the practice relaxing their body falling asleep.  She will wake between sleep cycles, that's normal but she will need you to help her fall back to sleep, especially when falling back to sleep is the hardest in the early morning hours.

4.  Lack of skills from being put to bed asleep.  If you hold or rock or nurse your baby to sleep, they are in a different place when she wakes up between sleep cycles and needs you to help her fall back to sleep.  Again, she has insufficient sleep skills.  She may get more cortisol in the night from waking and needing help and by the early morning hours, just can't get back to sleep.

5. Tummy discomfort from food issues.  If your baby had a food sensitivity or is having a negative digestive reaction to a new food, that can often manifest in the early hours when sleep is more difficult.  Have you ever woken from a bad headache or a tummy ache? It's in the early hours that it wakes you over and over again.  At least you can mostly go back to sleep. And as an adult, you likely have pretty good sleep skills. It's a rough time. 

6.   Developmental milestones like crawling and walking. These are major skills that require brain and muscle changes.  When your baby is working on a new skill, they want to practice this new skill when they wake up between sleep cycles. It's a very exciting time.  The sooner she masters the skill, the sooner her sleep can get back on track.

  

Tracy Spackman is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach.  

Call her if you need sleep help.

www.GetQuietNights.com

602-524-7610

Is Cry It Out the only option? NO!

There seems to be a lot of pressure on moms to have a quiet, sleeping through the night baby at a very young age. But in fact this is just not normal. It's not about weight, or even weeks, it's about developmental readiness and temperament.

In and around the 4th month of age there is a lot of cognitive development. Some babies may be ready as early as 18 weeks and others need more time to grow and bond. Follow your heart and do what you feel is best for your baby. Bond, nurse, co-sleep, wear, whatever feels safe and right. It doesn't matter what culture, neighbors, sisters or mothers in law say about it.

The range of what a baby can do it very broad. Some babies are naturally good sleepers. Others have a difficult time shutting down their minds to sleep. Talk to your doctor and still listen to your intuition. When he says babies wake a lot at night, he's right. And some babies wake more than others. If you are sleep deprived and going crazy, try motion naps in the stroller, swing or carrier and part of the nights in a swing laid all the way back. Does co-sleeping work for you? Would room sharing help? Be responsive.

Many mom's get repeated advice to just do Cry It Out.  There are many articles and posts about the negative effects of Cry It Out.  If that's just not for you, rest assured,
you have other options.  The No Cry Sleep Solution is a long, slow drawn out, baby step plan that works for many families.  But for some families it's too long.  The Good Night Sleep Tight book by Kim West is great if you have an older baby.  For younger babies, it's too visually stimulating and not responsive enough.  There are methods of camping out where you sleep in your baby's room. Methods of touching and shushing.  Methods of Picking up and putting down.  So many methods.  What is right for you?

I have found that there IS perfect combo of methods that works quickly and easily but definitely takes more effort than Cry It Out.  Where is this book?  It's not written. It's a combo made specifically for you child's temperament and age.  You get that from a gentle sleep coach. That's the advantage of a sleep coach, she will tell you what to do, work with you to find the fastest and most gentle approach, tailored for your child's needs and his parents goals.

 If you are at your wits end and just need a plan, I can help. I may just help you have reasonable expectations or there maybe a few things you can do to help your baby sleep longer stretches until your baby is ready to do more. But if you are fine, keep doing what you are doing. If you don't have a problem with the waking, it's not a problem. I can't believe how fast they grow. Get past the 4 month vision changes and brain development and then see how you are doing. It's so fun when baby can see you from further away. The increased perceptiveness is exciting for your baby and very distracting. So much of the world to see. Get to at least 18 weeks and re-evaluate. If you can hold off until 6 months, even better but I understand if you can't get that far.

If you wonder if you have realistic expectations, I can talk to you about that for free. I speak on that subject regularly at the local moms groups, hospitals and baby stores and on Facebook groups. Let me give you some coping strategies.

Take a few minutes of my time for free. 602-524-7610. Call, text or message me to set up a free 5-15 minute call. I'm here to help. If you know you are ready to make major changes and just want someone to give you step by step instructions that fit with your family goals, book a consultation and we will get you all sleeping in no time.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Post by Quiet Nights Sleep Coaching Services.

What's the perfect bedtime?

How do you know when to put your child to bed?

It depends on the age, the nap, and the wake up time and more.  I often speak about the "Anticipated Bedtime" and catching the sleep window.  I could talk your ear off about this topic.

In a nut shell, here is a general guide-line but defiantly not written in stone:

• 4 months-6-7 but may still be unpredictable.  (4th month is crazy)
• 5 months Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 90 minutes after the last nap
• 6 months-Around 6-7 pm or 12 hrs after wake up and 2 hrs after the last nap
• 9 months-Around 7pm or 12-13 hrs after wake up and 3-4 hrs after last nap 
• 12 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 18 months-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4 hrs after nap 
• 2 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and 4-5 hrs after nap 
• 2.5-4 years-Around 7pm or 12-14 hrs after wake up and it's much more unpredictable  of a time frame after the last nap.

Other things to watch for are the child's natural behaviors that let you know they are tired. Yawning and eye rubbing are late sleep cues.  Watching for late sleep cues works more for Easier temperamented children and less for Alert children.  

Other things to watch for are:

Zoning out

Staring off into space

Glassy Eyes

Disinterest

Fist clenching

Eye Squinting

Red tinge to skin around eye brows and eyes

Slowing down

Clumsy

Clingy

Lay on the floor for a moment

When picked up they-head on your shoulder

There may be other unique cues that you will notice before the Yawning and Eye Rubbing 

If you see a burst of energy after Yawning and Eye rubbing, you just missed the sleep window. So keep one eye on your baby and one eye on the clock.

Here is my simple idea.  Set the alarm or timer on your smart phone for 2-3.5 hours when he wakes up. (Depending on the age)  Don't worry about catching the sleep window until the timer buzzes in your pocket.  Then keep snoozing the timer until you see his sleep cues.  Once you see his sleep cues, put him to bed.  So instead of watching all the time for the sleep cues, just do it for the 10-20 minutes around the end of the expected wakefulness.  Notice how cute he is instead  of going crazy watching for sleep cues.  One eye on your baby, one eye on the clock...but after the right amount of fun.

For sleep plans and sleep advice, call me.  Free 15 minutes for sleep deprived parents.

Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

To bathe or not to bathe at bedtime, that is the question.

Do you give your little one a bath before bedtime? Or read her a book? Serenade her with songs and kisses?

There was a small study done that showed that the children who got a bath thirty minutes before bedtime had an easier time going to bed. 

But why?

Was it the consistency of a regular routine? Did a bath relax them and thus encourage the production of the calming hormone, melatonin?

 What happens if the bath is very fun and exciting and ends up stimulating your child? If she is already tired and ready to sleep, would the bath just wake her up and give her a second wind? (Cortisol  rush—NOT what you want at bedtime!)

So, let’s approach bedtime in a totally different way (I say this a lot). Think of the “Bedtime Routine” as having two pieces. 

First, we have the wind-down activities. These are all the things you have to do to prepare your child for bed, such as supper, meals, baths (only if you like it and it is calming for your child), fresh diaper, maybe even a massage while she are undressed for the diaper, pyjamas and so on.  For the wind-down, it is best to do the activities always in the same order, but how long you spend on each activity can vary. This will give your activities consistency and a good flow. The routine will become familiar. If you like to do the bath every other night or less frequently, place it in the same slot in the order of activities.

Second, you have your routine of signals to sleep: three to five things that you do in the same order for the same amount of time in the same way. For example, you could do a story, a song, a prayer and a kiss.  When done consistently, these things will signal to your child that they are about to be put in bed.

So here’s the secret…

Between the wind-down and the signal routines, watch for sleep cues. If you see sleep cues while doing your wind-down, end it, skip the last steps if necessary, and do your signal routine.  Catching the sleep window helps everyone get to sleep more easily. If you can slide smoothly through the routines and catch the sleep window, you will be in a better place to get sleep success.

For more sleep secrets, call me for a gentle sleep consultation.  I create gentle sleep plans that don’t involve “crying it out”.

Tracy Spackman

Certified Gentle Sleep Coach

www.GetQuietNights.com

602-524-7610 

Call for a free 15 minute sleep assessment.

Specializing in alert, bright eyed, observant, curious, spirited babies and children.

My baby likes me better when...

My baby likes me better when...
1. I come to her as soon as she calls for me in the morning
2. I pay attention to her sleep cues and put her to sleep before she's overtired.
3.  I nurse and cuddle her before her nap since she doesn't have day time sleep skills yet.
4. I close the curtains for her nap.  She likes to sleep in the dark, just like me.
5. When she wakes up after 30 minutes, I snuggle her back to sleep and hold her for a while so she can finish her nap in my arms (she doesn't have daytime sleep skills yet and she needs 45 minutes to feel rested.)
6. I feed her when she wakes up from her nap. Her tummy is small and needs to eat frequently.
7. I talk to her and tell her what I'm going to do next.  I'm not sure if she understands but I think she does.
8. I watch the clock so I can be watching her body language for her next sleep window.  If I catch her tired signs, she seems happy to nap and less frustrated.
9. I sing to her. I want her to feel safe.
10. I put off sleep training him until she is ready.  No rush.  Her brain isn't ready until after 18 weeks and 6 months or later is even better.

I was thinking about 4-9 month old babys when I wrote this.


Tracy Spackman
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach
602-524-7610
www.GetQuietNights.com
https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights
http://getquietnights.com/2014/06/my-baby-likes-me-better-when/

Post by Tracy Spackman.

Confessions of a Mom who coached her baby to sleep through the night.

Confessions of a Mom who coached her baby to sleep through the night.

Kelly says:
“Confession: We got more sleep during sleep coaching. It’s true. Our sweet baby girl had become quite accustomed to her sleep crutches. We swaddled, pacified, rocked, swayed, jiggled, and shushed. She slept in the Rock n’ Play, and the Rock n’ Play alone. That it, if she let us put her down at all! After five months and several failed attempts to wean said crutches, we reached out to Tracy. We were tired, as was our baby. And we had a toddler to care for, as well. Our baby’s sleep needs were changing and we just didn't know how to help her in a gentle, supported way. Tracy was our answer. With her help, our little one did what we thought was impossible without hours and hours of crying and many sleepless nights. Now, she is placed in her crib, awake, crutch-free and is able fall asleep on her own with minimal support.

Update: It has been a few months since we had our consult with Tracy. Things are still going great! Our daughter is almost 8 months old and is sleeping 11-12 hours at night and is on a predictable nap routine. Now, like every child, she might need a bit more support with teething, milestones, illness, etc., but is able to get right back on track using the tools we learned during our initial consult.”

Every baby is unique and every coaching plan is individualistic and every coaching experience varies from super easy to very challenging. But I get comments like this all the time. What makes the difference?  Temperament, Consistency, Sleep experience, amount of day sleep, catching the bedtime sleep window and the unique qualities that make your baby unique.  However it goes, you can get there.

Read many pages of experiences of families coaching on my website here. http://getquietnights.com/testimonials/

If you need help, call me, text me, message me. 

Tracy Spackman 602-524-7610

Free 15 min sleep assessments.

www.GetQuietNights.com

Post by Tracy Spackman.

17 months old - food sensitivities & waking screaming 'bloody murder'

I love getting emails like this:
Hi Tracy!

How are you? Long time, no talk which in your line of business isn't a bad thing ;)  I never began my 2 weeks of follow up calls with you because Hailey responded very well to some of the changes we made during the day. Following your advice, I began giving her a morning nap again (no more than 45 mins), changed the night light situation, I bathe her with lilac Epsom salts every night, and I have waged a war against any form of light entering her room. I think one of the biggest changes is that she now goes to sleep no later than 7 pm (whereas previously it was 8 pm) and I've been diligently paying abiding by the sleep windows. As such, she's been sleeping through the night and the world is a much brighter happier place for our family :)  In fact, we've fallen in love all over again with her!  She is a TOTALLY different kid and has such an unbelievable little personality.  She's more coordinated, there's no more raunchy, screaming crying, she's nowhere as intense, she's active, and best of all she's HAPPY!  Some of the things that desperately concerned me are no longer concerns as it seems that the sleep has fixed so many of my worries.  The more sleep she started getting during the day and the earlier bedtime allowed for her to start sleeping through the night.  I didn't have to do any of the shushing.  There was one week where she woke up often but she was getting 3 molars so I gave her an excuse.  Aside from teething she sleeps through the night and it has been glorious.

Thanks,

Heather

This mom's baby was 17 months old, we did some gentle things to adjust her schedule and she had food sensitivities and would wake screaming bloody murder.  The mom had serious health issues with her thyroid and what looked like PPD but guess what, getting back to sleeping all night fixed all the mom's health issues.  A good sleep makes a world of difference.  Sleep deprivation was wreaking havoc with her family and now it's wonderful again.  Getting enough sleep is the right place to start.

If you are sleep deprived, I can help.

Free 15 minute sleep assessment.  Just contact me.

Tracy Spackman

602-524-7610

www.GetQuietNights.com

https://www.facebook.com/QuietNights

Post by Tracy Spackman.